from 1 in 5,500 to 1 in 3,000...

now hopefully 1 in 600 to 1 in 124...

at the edge
i've come to the point in my undergraduate career where i know it'll all soon be over. up until now i wasn't ready to leave ucsd. i'm not saying that i'm 100% ready, but more prepared.

props to my buddies phil and the stephanies (both a. and n.) who are as much my premed advisors as that bastard in the career service center who made me cry is. for a while i was unsure of myself and doubted in my abilities. for me failure, rejection, and disappoint are strong deciding factors in my life. i would much rather not try at all than to try and fail. this type of thinking as effected almost every aspect of my decision making... i've always grown up with the mentality that if i can't get it right the first time don't bother trying at all. after receiving my secondaries i slowly begin to think about whether or not i could make it. the task at hand seemed almost impossible. i started to think of plans B, C, and D as a way of lessening the blow should rejection come. at one point i was going to move out of the country. but after talking to them I've come to realize that if i put my 100% effort into everything i do then there should be no need for disappointment. sometimes a guy needs a little bitch slap once in a while.

could it be that i'm technologically satiated? i went to Best Buy today with the full intention of buying myself a gaming system, but after talking to phil i nixed the gaming system. with that i decided to look around to see if there was anything else i could possibly want or need. a new palm pilot would be nice i thought, but have one already and it works just fine. a new mp3 player? eh. none of them have yet to pass my style test which is the first one i apply to anything i buy. if it looks good then i'll see if it actually works. thought about getting a new laptop but Best Buy doesn't have the best selection in terms of what i want. something small, thin, with wireless web. nothing. decided to look for a new phone. the lady couldn't really answer any of my questions. felt guilty later for asking questions i knew this poor old lady couldn't answer. which begged the question... what the heck was this women who undoubtedly was older then my mother doing selling cell phones?!? i walked out of Best Buy empty handed, but didn't feel like i missed out on anything. shocked is the word. for once there wasn't something there that i just had to have. maybe i should go to tokyo....

they both just stared up at me with that look. the one where you know you did something wrong, but they see from your face that you're refusing to acknowledge it. i've been busy i replied. one of them shot back that i had ditched class twice already this week and the other said my midterms were already over. yeah i know i should have spent more time with you. i'm sorry... they both said that their patience was wearing thin and that if i didn't do something about it my opprotunity would be gone. since it's a long weekend i promised them i'd have more time to spend with them.

damn, secondary applications are sons of bitches.

secondary reaction

in the world of immunology a secondary response refers to the immune system's ability to mount a faster and increased intensity to a repeated antigen. in essence, your body has learned to fight an infection more effectively. i think i've reached that point with my classes. in order to spare myself from another infection of mind numbing classes i've decided to implement a series of treatments which include sleeping through class, ditching class, and watching tv at home... thus far it's been working...

it's 6th week and senioritis has gotten the best of me... i'm tired of school and i'm tired of taking classes i don't care about. the good news is that a 3 day weekend is coming up.. the bad news... my stupid paycheck hasn't arrived yet... =/... that's not good... looks like i'm going to need to pull out a loan from the bank of mom and dad, although i think i'm already overdrawn there... my procrastination has also gotten to the point where i've been revamping everything in my life... from away messages to closet... also have taken up to taking random pictures everywhere i go... alright off to my last class of the day...

with the expansion of the internet, wireless networks, voicemail, and texting (which i don't think is a real verb) you would think it would be easier to get a hold of your friends... it's not... =P


MouseNg22: hi honey!

Auto response from mochicamry: coffee run...

MouseNg22: poo
------------------------------------------------------
mochicamry: are you back yet?

Auto response from MouseNg22: heep heep-hop heep-hop-anonomous??

mochicamry: the internet equivalent of phone-tag....

after finishing my immunology midterm i started walking back to the cross for the APSA officer meeting... as my mind usually does while i'm walking, i started to day dream... i remembered when i was a little kid there was this cartoon called the city of gold or the lost city of gold... anywho, what i do remember was that the protagonists could call this huge mechanical golden condor whenever they needed help. watching that show made me wish, i too had a golden condor... fast foward to today... why the heck would i want a condor? just realized that condors aren't actually as cool looking as i remembered, not like a bald eagle or a falcon... in fact, they are done right ugly birds... no hair on their necks and head because the they're carnivores so it's just bald and pink... looking for like vultures than anything else... you can golden condor to the list of weird things i wanted as a kid... in that list these is also a motor home, snoopy ice cone maker, and pool with a killer whale...

night time came and once again i was calling it a night... i could have sworn it was light out when i went into the library a couple of hours early... did you know japan is one of the only industrialized nations that doesn't have daylight savings time? as i stepped into the elevator i shuffled through the mail seeing if anything was for me. bill, wallstreet journal, politcal propaganda, and then two envelopes from UCLA School of Medicine. hmmm... earlier that i day i was wondering if i was going to get word from any of the med schools i had applied to. like divine intervention i had my answer in my hands. i eyed the envelopes trying to figure out what each could be. most likely one was that they had received my application, but the other i couldn't figure out what it was. either a "thank you for applying, but no thanks.." or "you've been selected to submit additional material".... i figured the it was most likely the first of the two as to not disappoint myself. i grabbed the letter opener from my desk and opened each piece of mail saving the UCLA letters for last. i thought delay the bad news as long as possible. i opened each envelope and selected one to read. my eyes scanned the document for any key phrases thanking me or wishing me luck with my other school choices... instead, it was a letter pleased to inform me that my application was moving furthur in the process and that i can get started on my secondary materials! woo hoo... so thus far i've received secondaries from my top med school choices... at least with the UC schools i know they really want to see what i have to offer versus USC which may just want me for my $90 application fee... i could definitely see myself as a bruin... i'm actually quite revealed, for the past week i was thinking about my possible contingency plans in case things with med school didn't work out and whether or not i should change the heading of my blog... at least now i can send off some my letter's of rec which i think are very strong and should help to get me noticed...

tonight i'm going to restart something i used to do back in high school. back then i remember having extremely vivid dreams. dreams so real in fact once i woke up pissed off at a friend because we had argued in the dream and i thought it was real. because i kept a journal back then i can still recall some of my favorite ones. i guess now the lightpen my roomies bought me will come in handy when i need to jot down my dreams in the middle of the night... my movie project has become stagnant has the idea of producing a documentary has lost it's appeal. a short work of fiction perhaps? really need to hold a brainstorming session...

did i mention how wonderful this crisp, cold weather is? just puts me in a happy christmasy mood. although some people hate to go christmas shopping i for one love it. it's just so much fun to go out on my own to find gifts for the people i care about. and this cold weather always brings up images of me bundled in my jacket while wandering around fashion valley and utc trying to find the perfect gifts. although, it is kinda crazy that halloween hasn't even come and the christmas decorations are already out.

anywho, two midterms tomorrow... i'll be a much happier person 24 hours from now...

weekednds are usually reserved for sleeping in and chilling... this weekend was the exception... non-stop work both school and apsa wise...

got up early to study at this cool coffee shop in pb that was once a house. too bad it rained because it would have been cool to sit out in the sun and study. the best part of the day was coming back to yummy maki to have dinner. it wasn't so much the dinner that made my day, but the weather. i love it when it gets chilly and dark at nights. always reminds me of christmas/winter time. funny thing, when i put my playlist on rnadom it happened to select a couple of christmas songs in a row... all of them reminded me of when me and roomie stef cooked thanksgiving dinner... we downloaded the songs and played them as i cooked the rest of the dinner. we even got dressed up and waited for our guests like a married couple. the human mind is amazing in the fact that one short blip of stimulation (ie. scent, sound, sight) can cause a whole cascade of memories and emotions.

mentor mentee program is off the grown and although there are some points i wish i could have improved upon i'm quite happy with the result. two midterms this week and one next... on top of that ucs secondary application... don't expect to see me until december... =P

now is the time i ask for a little break... with 3 classes, apsa, and work i hardly have the time to actually sit and study, let alone get a decent amount of sleep... i miss philip, for some odd reason school was much easier with him around... even while i studying hardcore for the mcat there was always the family to come home to... not anymore... anywho, in good news i just received my secondary application for usc! woo hoo... my number one choice for med school although it's also the most expensive one. keep your fingers crossed that i get invited for an interview! =)

auditioned for nsu's diversity... talk to me personally if you want to know how it went. on top of everything i just realized that i'm still trying to get the mentor mentee program off the ground... and two midterms are just around the corner... this blog blows...

woo hoo! go trojans!

my stress level at this moment has literally fell through the floor... got my first letter of recommendation and my professor even said that from my letter i sound like a very interesting person and that this letter would be something the committee would really like to read. it's nice to get a little affirmation once in a while... esp considering the fact i was really doubting in my abilities... after that i was literally on cloud 9... so happy i didn't even mind going to section right after even though i wasn't in the mood initially... although i think i may be suffering from senioritis i'm still as busy, if not more so, as ever. i'm hardly ever home as phil duly noted today... tomorrow though the plans are simple... round up one more letter of rec, go shopping, and then chill for the rest of the night. no work tomorrow and for once i can really sleep in... definitely going to enjoy this little reprise i've gotten.

during class today i started thinking about the film project i want to pursure... decided instead to change up the subject matter... instead of mahjong going to try and make a documentary on boba... still have yet to decide what my catch will be, but this seems at least an easier place to start at... i mean, should be enough people on campus who are crazy about boba to make a real entertaining documentary or at least a mockumentary... for some odd reason armando came to my mind as someone who i would want as my central character...

so glad i went to clics tonight... always feel so accomplished when i finish all my homework. =)

because one of my former professors dope he's letting me write my own letter of rec. at first when i followed the outline he gave me i was bit a disappointed, it was sparse and didn't contain anything new that i didn't write about in my personal statement or included in my application. after tinkering with it and adding what i felt would be compelling points of interest for the admissions committees i think i sound like a very well rounded and overall good candidate for medical school if i do say so myself.

note to self: once i learn to drive a manual correctly my new car will be a 2 door BMW 3-series, in either metallic blue or red...

3rd week now... time to buckle down... have only been to clics 3 times this quarter... way below my average considering i have far less to distract me... tonight i studied for only one class and then spent the rest of the night bathed the soft glow of the television with jeff and richard watching a very brady sequel... something is definitely wrong... i think i may have contracted something... it was envitable given the position i'm in... only two more quarters left and i'm done with UCSD... yup, i think i have senioritis... didn't know i was a carrier of the illness...

finally 22 years old... or as i like to say 21 + 1... cuz 22 just sounds so old... did so many fun things this week and just would like to extend my thanks to all my friends who celebrated with me =) wednesday night went to Lips with Mayrin and met some interesting characters. i was even bitched out by a drag queen... guess i can check that off my list of life experiences... if you've ever watched Sex And The City, there's this one episode with street trannys which is closely reminiscent of what happened between me and the drag queen... to quote mayrin "the worst part about it was i didn't know if i was being yelled at by a man or a woman!"... puahaha...

friday night played at chuck e cheese and celebrated duel parties with lizelle... thanks in large part to sonnier and angeline who planned it. =) my roomie even played a bunch of games to win me a little disco light... cost about 1000 tickets to win that baby! thanks bobo head...

and then just last night went to culture shock's choreographers showcase... can i say the show was freakin awesome?!? it was well worth the money spent. the teams that exhibitioned were great. including this one group of 7 and 9 year olds who dedicated their performance to the Sponge Bob Squarepants.

should i take a nap or work some more on my big to-do pile? fuck it... it's 3rd week, i'm a senior and i'm tired... i'll nap then work... =)

dayam... didn't realize that the usc application deadline is this tuesday.... which means that secondaries should be around the corner... cross your fingers people...

weekend over

my whirlwind weekend of auditions and asian film festival have finally come to an end... after attending the festival i've been inspired to finish my long awaited movie project... after about 2 years of saying i want to make a movie i think that I'll finally get up and do it... can't seem to find that book that lizelle bought me about screenwriting... wish i could find it. =/ no real plans yet, definitely want to do a documentary on some aspect of my life. anywho, all my close friends be on the watch i may ask you to take part in my little project. funny thing, when i was thinking about making a movie with my friends 2 years ago, i sent out an e-mail to all my peeps telling them what i had planned... i guess inadvertently i had e-mailed this guy in hawaii i had interviewed about taiko drumming... anywho, fast forward three weeks after i sent out that original e-mail... i get this e-mail reply saying he can't wait to see my new film project and wants to know when it will be released in hawaii... funny? okie, maybe only to me...

anywho, tonight marked the last audition of my undergrad career... sad and disappointed... mainly because i'm spoiled and used to getting what i want... although, it's not like i wanted them to just give me a position... when i want something bad enough I'll work my ass off for it... just sucks that it didn't happen this time around. totally busted it tonight... props to david reyes who tried out with me... you totally rocked with your harlem shake down... hahahaha... anywho, when you work hard for a goal and someone says no, it's always disappointing... i'm sure by 3rd week of school it'll be long forgotten... just hope this doesn't follow me to med school...

just watched first episode of the bachelor with roomie jasmine... as predicted he kept the "exotic" asian women... besides that though, watching the show made me think... were these women in it because they truly believe in love at first sight or because they're all just desperate to get hitched? perhaps a combination of both. seriously, almost half the women said that they've dated before and have yet to find mister right and that they hoped they would get picked. tonight the group of 25 was chopped down to 15. of the 10 that were eliminated one women actually was about to cry because she wasn't going to get married on the show. come on now!

sidenote to self: find the point at which i became so vengeful...

just got back from an evening of studying... made myself a sandwich from leftover chicken adobo... it was pretty darm good with lettuce and some hot sauce... beginning to miss rice everyday. hopefully with this school routine in place i can start cooking on a regular basis.

this bit is for people in the know. looks like me and steph will easily win goldifsh gladiators... of the three fish remaining the two left in the "small" group have developed an infection either from stress or bacteria, but either way they don't stand to last for too long. our little black goldfish that could has a high probability of winning us the jackpot of $2.50 each! is he does it, i'll take him out of the tank and give him a spot on my desk. Go Blackie!