real life trauma
it's been about 2 weeks since i've arrived in LA and a week since the kids have arrived and pretty much both me and the other health assitant evan have been working in 24 hour shifts to cover all the medical needs of the students... for the most part i would say this job is as rewarding as it is demanding. today was the first real emergency case we've encountered and to say i felt unprepared would be an understatement. honestly, i felt useless... luckily, evan was called in to to help take control of the situation... to just stand there helpless while a life hangs in the balance is a terrifying feeling... in the end there was really nothing me and evan could do but be support for the paramedics that arrived, but it was at that point i felt like i could've done more or at least made my pressence felt. to a lot of the staff members we are already viewed as doctors. in fact, a handful like to call me and evan just that... "good morning doctors!" "how are the doctors doing today?" =/ don't know if i feel comfortable being addressed like that... the title alone assumes i know a great deal about medicine which isn't the case... today though, i did what i could and i assured the parents of the student that he was in good hands and that we were doing all in our power to make sure he was fine. extremely frustrating to know that i didn't really handle the situation the way i would have liked to...
anywho, today we celebrate ethel's 23rd birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHEL!!! jerry came up and they both cooked a little something for dinner... she even found some food for our vegan friend who hardly gets enough to eat in the cafeteria... can't wait for my day off... going back to san diego to deal with some business and replenish my spending money... =)
Tuesday, June 25, 2002
decision time
i'm awaiting the arrival of my mcat scores... yup people these 3 little numbers will decide for me what the game plan is... do i go for another round of mcat madness? or do send out my applications with a smile? hmmm... tough decisions... thinking more and more about my back up plans for grad school... although i really think my parents are eagerly awaiting for me to get into and out of med school so they can quit working.. which translates into grad school is okay, but med school is better... and then of course there are the people who are not only looking forward to the day they can call me Dr. Saldivar, but are expecting it, not that i'm not looking forward to it myself...... expectations i think are one of the hardest things in life to face up to when you can't meet them... right now seriously feeling like i may come up short this time around... =/
right now i really don't know what i should be doing.. i've spent nearly four years of my life perparing for this day of reckoning and yet as i draw closer to point where i sign my name on the little dotted line i can't seem to lift my pen... i've never really looked beyond what i could do besides becoming a doctor... i rememebr when my pre-med advisor asked me if i thought of doing anything else besides going into medicine and i told him flat out no... but now it's scary to think that maybe i wasn't cut out for this.. yes, now i'm second guessing myself...
i'm awaiting the arrival of my mcat scores... yup people these 3 little numbers will decide for me what the game plan is... do i go for another round of mcat madness? or do send out my applications with a smile? hmmm... tough decisions... thinking more and more about my back up plans for grad school... although i really think my parents are eagerly awaiting for me to get into and out of med school so they can quit working.. which translates into grad school is okay, but med school is better... and then of course there are the people who are not only looking forward to the day they can call me Dr. Saldivar, but are expecting it, not that i'm not looking forward to it myself...... expectations i think are one of the hardest things in life to face up to when you can't meet them... right now seriously feeling like i may come up short this time around... =/
right now i really don't know what i should be doing.. i've spent nearly four years of my life perparing for this day of reckoning and yet as i draw closer to point where i sign my name on the little dotted line i can't seem to lift my pen... i've never really looked beyond what i could do besides becoming a doctor... i rememebr when my pre-med advisor asked me if i thought of doing anything else besides going into medicine and i told him flat out no... but now it's scary to think that maybe i wasn't cut out for this.. yes, now i'm second guessing myself...
Thursday, June 20, 2002
arriving
after a wonderful last supper with phil, stef, and mayrin i was off to LA with ethel to work for johns hopkins center for talented youth... for the past 4 days now it's been non-stop work trying to get the program up and running... literally went through over 400 student health records by hand and just tried to reorganize everything according to who had turned in everything, who were missing things, who had imcompletes, etc, etc, etc... this year feels a bit different from my last two CTY experiences.... i'm actually on the administrators team and making decisions for the program... becoming a health assistant i didn't really know what i was getting myself into, luckily i have evan, the other health assistant, to show me the way... honestly, if it was just me i'd be totally lost...
yesterday stef and phil came up to chill with me after work... it was nice just to have them visit and sleep in the same room with me... something just very comforting about having your friends close by... although stef took the extra bed phil decided he wanted to stay in the room as well and took all the couch cushions in the living room to make himself a makeshift bed... it was just so typically philip... down to sleeping with his Philip's jacket as a blanket... hahaha... that's probably one of the best things about my friendship with the family, simply hanging out or even spending the night at each other's place is enough... don't even need to have an agenda... as long as we're together it's all good...
after a wonderful last supper with phil, stef, and mayrin i was off to LA with ethel to work for johns hopkins center for talented youth... for the past 4 days now it's been non-stop work trying to get the program up and running... literally went through over 400 student health records by hand and just tried to reorganize everything according to who had turned in everything, who were missing things, who had imcompletes, etc, etc, etc... this year feels a bit different from my last two CTY experiences.... i'm actually on the administrators team and making decisions for the program... becoming a health assistant i didn't really know what i was getting myself into, luckily i have evan, the other health assistant, to show me the way... honestly, if it was just me i'd be totally lost...
yesterday stef and phil came up to chill with me after work... it was nice just to have them visit and sleep in the same room with me... something just very comforting about having your friends close by... although stef took the extra bed phil decided he wanted to stay in the room as well and took all the couch cushions in the living room to make himself a makeshift bed... it was just so typically philip... down to sleeping with his Philip's jacket as a blanket... hahaha... that's probably one of the best things about my friendship with the family, simply hanging out or even spending the night at each other's place is enough... don't even need to have an agenda... as long as we're together it's all good...
Saturday, June 15, 2002
why does it have to end?
it finally hit me... this weekend is going to be the last i spend with my "family" before we head off onto our separate paths... feeling really numb and sad... going to miss phil calling me and asking me what i'm doing, going to miss mayrin craziness and love of boba, going to miss steph and our wonderful late night conversations (on-line and live) about the direction of our lives... going to miss so many things i can't even begin to write them all down... it's hard to describe the impact these ppl have had on my lives... but they definitely have been a major part of my life the past two years... in fact, my wall is covered with their pictures and my blogs are full of our wacky adventures together... anywho, if i write anymore imma gonna cry...
CONGRATS CLASS OF 2002!!!!
it finally hit me... this weekend is going to be the last i spend with my "family" before we head off onto our separate paths... feeling really numb and sad... going to miss phil calling me and asking me what i'm doing, going to miss mayrin craziness and love of boba, going to miss steph and our wonderful late night conversations (on-line and live) about the direction of our lives... going to miss so many things i can't even begin to write them all down... it's hard to describe the impact these ppl have had on my lives... but they definitely have been a major part of my life the past two years... in fact, my wall is covered with their pictures and my blogs are full of our wacky adventures together... anywho, if i write anymore imma gonna cry...
CONGRATS CLASS OF 2002!!!!
Saturday, June 08, 2002
it happens almost like clockwork... finals week hits and i'm just a big ball of emotions... i've been running from extreme happiness to just shoot me in the head depression... like a lot of ppl this time of the school year seems to bring out the Freud in us... instead of studying we all like to psychoanalyze our thoughts and our plans for the future... *sigh* med school shit is just bogging me down... don't want to even look at the applications... where the fizuck did it go? can someone tell me please? last night in the ER before i head off to LA... which reminds me... i really should tell the volunteering office i'm leaving...
last day of classes
just now ending my day at 4:20am... today was my last day of lectures... both of which I was glad i had attended... i finally got the nerve to talk to my biochem professor and tell him what an awesome professor i thought he was... i really wish i had told him sooner though... i'd like to get a letter of rec, but i feel if i do that my compliments were just to butter him up... =/... no biggie always more professors i could ask... but yeah, Professor Saier is one awesome guy.. not only in terms of a professor, but as a person... i hope someday to be like him when i'm older... seriously, if you need to take an upper divison bio course take one of Saier's courses... you won't regret it!...
besides class, today was APSA bonfire...we started construction on Phildonia but i had to leave during the middle of it to get to class... i didn't get to see it completed =( last Phildonia of the school year... spent the right of the day and part of my morning playing worms with terrence, phil, and stef... the premise of the game is simple... blow up your opponents... easier said than done when you're taking turns and trying to form alliances... i'm beat, finals is upon so, and my new friends episode is done downloading... time to call it a night... gn...
just now ending my day at 4:20am... today was my last day of lectures... both of which I was glad i had attended... i finally got the nerve to talk to my biochem professor and tell him what an awesome professor i thought he was... i really wish i had told him sooner though... i'd like to get a letter of rec, but i feel if i do that my compliments were just to butter him up... =/... no biggie always more professors i could ask... but yeah, Professor Saier is one awesome guy.. not only in terms of a professor, but as a person... i hope someday to be like him when i'm older... seriously, if you need to take an upper divison bio course take one of Saier's courses... you won't regret it!...
besides class, today was APSA bonfire...we started construction on Phildonia but i had to leave during the middle of it to get to class... i didn't get to see it completed =( last Phildonia of the school year... spent the right of the day and part of my morning playing worms with terrence, phil, and stef... the premise of the game is simple... blow up your opponents... easier said than done when you're taking turns and trying to form alliances... i'm beat, finals is upon so, and my new friends episode is done downloading... time to call it a night... gn...
Friday, June 07, 2002
where'd the lights go?
we had a blackout yesterday while me and jas were watching harry potter and adam was studying... at first it was pretty scary becuase the whole block had gone out and the entire building was buzzing with the sounds of alarms. in fact, we heard a strange buzzing coming from my room and some light... my computer was still on... i guess the battery in the surge protector works... anywho, we lit some candles and the three of us decided to play a nice game of mah jong.. it was definitely a moment to remeber... the three of us played mah jong by candle light while we asked each other random questions... we were later joined by bobo head, the baby, and the wifey... i kinda wished the lights hadn't come back on so we could've played monoply in the dark... =/ such great times... i'm thinking about how much i feel i'm going to miss by working in LA for the summer... argh... so many things to tie up before i leave... i need to get 3 letters of rec, fill out med school apps, get my transcripts, and pack for LA all in the time span of a week... oh yeah, i also have stupid finals to worry about before that too...
well, it really hasn't hit me that graduation is upon us... in one short week our lives will be shifting... mine, mayrin, phil, and stef's... we each have our own individual plans and where we all end up is up to ourselves... it's funny... a year ago from today we were talking about how when we graduated we would take one big "family" vacation to asia... we'd hop on a plane to the philippines, thailand, hong kong, and shanghai... but as we all know no one can foresee the future... i really wish we had put together a time capsule or something... i can already tell i'm going to be bawling come graduation day... you know how as a kid you never expect things to change? but growing up the changes always seem so subtle that you hardly notice? maybe it's because growing up our lives were defined by school... go to school for the year... summer comes.. and then you start all over again in a new grade... maybe with the same friends you had from last year or maybe you'll meet some new ones this year... this time around though for steph and phil, (mayrin has two more years and i have 6 more) there will no longer be anymore summers to define their lives.. instead they enter the "real world"... no longer the certainity of picking classes as phil mentioned or even the sercurity of knowing that if you do bad you can always drop a class... hmmm... scary thought, no? to the class of 2002 good luck and god speed... to my family, dad's very proud of all of you! =)
we had a blackout yesterday while me and jas were watching harry potter and adam was studying... at first it was pretty scary becuase the whole block had gone out and the entire building was buzzing with the sounds of alarms. in fact, we heard a strange buzzing coming from my room and some light... my computer was still on... i guess the battery in the surge protector works... anywho, we lit some candles and the three of us decided to play a nice game of mah jong.. it was definitely a moment to remeber... the three of us played mah jong by candle light while we asked each other random questions... we were later joined by bobo head, the baby, and the wifey... i kinda wished the lights hadn't come back on so we could've played monoply in the dark... =/ such great times... i'm thinking about how much i feel i'm going to miss by working in LA for the summer... argh... so many things to tie up before i leave... i need to get 3 letters of rec, fill out med school apps, get my transcripts, and pack for LA all in the time span of a week... oh yeah, i also have stupid finals to worry about before that too...
well, it really hasn't hit me that graduation is upon us... in one short week our lives will be shifting... mine, mayrin, phil, and stef's... we each have our own individual plans and where we all end up is up to ourselves... it's funny... a year ago from today we were talking about how when we graduated we would take one big "family" vacation to asia... we'd hop on a plane to the philippines, thailand, hong kong, and shanghai... but as we all know no one can foresee the future... i really wish we had put together a time capsule or something... i can already tell i'm going to be bawling come graduation day... you know how as a kid you never expect things to change? but growing up the changes always seem so subtle that you hardly notice? maybe it's because growing up our lives were defined by school... go to school for the year... summer comes.. and then you start all over again in a new grade... maybe with the same friends you had from last year or maybe you'll meet some new ones this year... this time around though for steph and phil, (mayrin has two more years and i have 6 more) there will no longer be anymore summers to define their lives.. instead they enter the "real world"... no longer the certainity of picking classes as phil mentioned or even the sercurity of knowing that if you do bad you can always drop a class... hmmm... scary thought, no? to the class of 2002 good luck and god speed... to my family, dad's very proud of all of you! =)
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