thanksgiving eve
i bought the turkey and the roomies bought the rest... thanksgiving eve dinner is going to be great... good food and great friends... i can't wait...
aftermath
definitely had my fill of delicous food today. the menu consisted of turkey (of course), mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, baked vegatables, rice, brownies, cheesecake, and apple pie. special thanks to Mayrin, Phil, Jimmy, and Eric for sharing thanksgiving eve with the roomies... unlike steph's grandmother i didn't start cooking at 4 in the morning, but started at around 12 in the afternoon. the food was good nevertheless and the friends were even better. while cooking dinner i had the overwhelming feelings of happiness and just got the giddiness that only comes around the holidays. me and steph even put together a christmas cd. i'm looking forward to christmas break which is coming in about 2 weeks. at this point i think everyone in the apt is tired. jas is in her room with jeremy, steph went back to jimmy's, and david has once again beat me to sleep. in fact, he is still wearing his dress clothes! i really don't get it.... how do you fall asleep without brushing your teeth or changing clothes?
Happy Thanksgiving!
Monday, November 19, 2001
9th Week, Day 1
Today i woke up before 10 for once and was wide awake and alert. again i was able to dream. however, at this moment what i remember from the dream escapes me. the dentist i sent my resume to called me this morning and asked me to come in for an interview. despite my "wonderful resume" and limited dental experience he was looking for someone who actually knew something about teeth. but it's all good because i made some good networking because he said he would forward my resume to his local doctor friends if they were looking for an assistant. his current assistant also suggested i send out my resume to doctors as well, which is something i intend to do. i have the whole day ahead of me which translates to... go study! be back tonight
2 AM
just about to call it a night... i've just brushed my teeth, washed my face, and put on my pjs... i do believe this is the earliest i will have gotten to sleep. actually, my roomie, david, is fast asleep right now... i think the moment he put his head on his pillow he began snoring. if only i could fall asleep that fast. actually his snoring isn't too bad now... it's almost reassuring in a funny way... kinda like sleeply in the vicinity of a big bear... puahahahaha... alright, i'm outtie... been studying too long and found myself actually enjoying what i was doing...
Today i woke up before 10 for once and was wide awake and alert. again i was able to dream. however, at this moment what i remember from the dream escapes me. the dentist i sent my resume to called me this morning and asked me to come in for an interview. despite my "wonderful resume" and limited dental experience he was looking for someone who actually knew something about teeth. but it's all good because i made some good networking because he said he would forward my resume to his local doctor friends if they were looking for an assistant. his current assistant also suggested i send out my resume to doctors as well, which is something i intend to do. i have the whole day ahead of me which translates to... go study! be back tonight
2 AM
just about to call it a night... i've just brushed my teeth, washed my face, and put on my pjs... i do believe this is the earliest i will have gotten to sleep. actually, my roomie, david, is fast asleep right now... i think the moment he put his head on his pillow he began snoring. if only i could fall asleep that fast. actually his snoring isn't too bad now... it's almost reassuring in a funny way... kinda like sleeply in the vicinity of a big bear... puahahahaha... alright, i'm outtie... been studying too long and found myself actually enjoying what i was doing...
9th week
well, the weekend has passed and the start of 9th week is upon me. props to janet and my roomie steph for putting together an awesome high school conference. honestly, despite the (many) things that went wrong with the conference it was awesome. i'm so glad that i have such an awesome individual that i can call my roomie.
with only 2 two weeks to gear up for finals i'm starting to feel the crunch of time upon me. i'm also starting to worry about the many little tasks i set out to do about 2 weeks ago. I still have yet to be placed in a job, volunteer my time at a hospital, or find a professor to do research with. in fact, i still haven't registered for my mcat course which i should have done this weekend. if by tenth week i haven't done any of these things please dop my apartment and kick my ass. cuz i think that'll be the only way for me to get it done. honestly, it's not like i haven't been trying because my friends can attest to the fact that i've been trying hard to get all these things done. i also finally locked myself in my room and wrote a practice mcat essay in which i failed miserably. i'm not all too sad about it though because i know writing is the only means i'll be able to improve my writing skills.
despite the fact i haven't been able to sleep at a reasonable hour in the past 3 weeks i have noticed that i can remember my dreams again which is something i haven't been able to do for a long time. in something like a dream i went after high school conference to mt. palomar to watch the meteor shower. the night time sky was clear on the mountain and provided the perfect seating arrangement to watch shooting stars race across the sky. it was also a very nice way to relax after the high stress day of high school conference. however, now with high school conference out of the way there is no excuse for me to not put 100% of my efforts into school. with my battery fulled recharged i think i'm ready to fly into this week. the battle plan for the week is to catch up and review for finals as well as try to avoid all social situations until wednesday night which will be our roomie thanksgiving day dinner.
well, the weekend has passed and the start of 9th week is upon me. props to janet and my roomie steph for putting together an awesome high school conference. honestly, despite the (many) things that went wrong with the conference it was awesome. i'm so glad that i have such an awesome individual that i can call my roomie.
with only 2 two weeks to gear up for finals i'm starting to feel the crunch of time upon me. i'm also starting to worry about the many little tasks i set out to do about 2 weeks ago. I still have yet to be placed in a job, volunteer my time at a hospital, or find a professor to do research with. in fact, i still haven't registered for my mcat course which i should have done this weekend. if by tenth week i haven't done any of these things please dop my apartment and kick my ass. cuz i think that'll be the only way for me to get it done. honestly, it's not like i haven't been trying because my friends can attest to the fact that i've been trying hard to get all these things done. i also finally locked myself in my room and wrote a practice mcat essay in which i failed miserably. i'm not all too sad about it though because i know writing is the only means i'll be able to improve my writing skills.
despite the fact i haven't been able to sleep at a reasonable hour in the past 3 weeks i have noticed that i can remember my dreams again which is something i haven't been able to do for a long time. in something like a dream i went after high school conference to mt. palomar to watch the meteor shower. the night time sky was clear on the mountain and provided the perfect seating arrangement to watch shooting stars race across the sky. it was also a very nice way to relax after the high stress day of high school conference. however, now with high school conference out of the way there is no excuse for me to not put 100% of my efforts into school. with my battery fulled recharged i think i'm ready to fly into this week. the battle plan for the week is to catch up and review for finals as well as try to avoid all social situations until wednesday night which will be our roomie thanksgiving day dinner.
Thursday, November 15, 2001
Hectic but Rewarding
After a small little episode in which i thought i wouldn't be able to make it as a med school student i've managed to pick up the pieces and start off running.... in a very short time period I went from thinking i should extend my education by another year to just taking it all one day at a time. i've come to conclusion to drop the idea of a chinese minor and have focused my attentions at the goal at hand, med school. in the search for medically related jobs and research projects I've found a couple of opportunities which look really promising.
i've also be able to focus more time to my studies while finding the balance between work and play. today i was able to revive the lost art of playing back at international gardens which really made me happy. i seriously had forgotten how much fun it is to just play around in mayrin's and steph's place when neither or them are home. =D unfortunately, finding that balance has meant sacrificing one little thing. it's sleep. i haven't been able to go to sleep at a reasonable hour for almost 3 weeks now. it's gotten so bad I skipped all my classes wednesday to catch up on some much needed rest. i've been trying to find the time to sleep, but it's no use trying. if i'm not working on homework, it's APSA related stuff, or even just doing stuff I need to do like laundry or eating. today i got home at around 1:30 am and yet i sit here at my computer typing away at my blog. aiyo~... in conclusion though my academic and social life are good. check back in during finals week and we'll see if i'm singing the same song.
After a small little episode in which i thought i wouldn't be able to make it as a med school student i've managed to pick up the pieces and start off running.... in a very short time period I went from thinking i should extend my education by another year to just taking it all one day at a time. i've come to conclusion to drop the idea of a chinese minor and have focused my attentions at the goal at hand, med school. in the search for medically related jobs and research projects I've found a couple of opportunities which look really promising.
i've also be able to focus more time to my studies while finding the balance between work and play. today i was able to revive the lost art of playing back at international gardens which really made me happy. i seriously had forgotten how much fun it is to just play around in mayrin's and steph's place when neither or them are home. =D unfortunately, finding that balance has meant sacrificing one little thing. it's sleep. i haven't been able to go to sleep at a reasonable hour for almost 3 weeks now. it's gotten so bad I skipped all my classes wednesday to catch up on some much needed rest. i've been trying to find the time to sleep, but it's no use trying. if i'm not working on homework, it's APSA related stuff, or even just doing stuff I need to do like laundry or eating. today i got home at around 1:30 am and yet i sit here at my computer typing away at my blog. aiyo~... in conclusion though my academic and social life are good. check back in during finals week and we'll see if i'm singing the same song.
Monday, November 12, 2001
What happened?
The weekend started off so promising... spend time with roomie and study. those were the only two things i really wanted to get done this weekend. unfortunately i didn't get much of either task done. I"M SO SORRY STEPH! =( the blame can be placed on me for not just taking the time out and just kicking it with her. it was pretty crazy becuase the moment we were going to sit and watch the movie she rented our other roomie came back from Stanford Conference. anywho, pretty much we've just been on conflicting schedules all weekend.
however i was able to get my weekly mah jong fix with the Triple K crew at a different location and night. i think this marks the first time Tracy has been able to play mah jong with us since the start of the school year. we were also able to break-in Emiko's new set of penalty cards at tonight's/morning's game. Well the sun is about to rise which means it's time for me to get some much needed rest. i doubt my sleep cycle will ever get back to normal... bleh =P
The weekend started off so promising... spend time with roomie and study. those were the only two things i really wanted to get done this weekend. unfortunately i didn't get much of either task done. I"M SO SORRY STEPH! =( the blame can be placed on me for not just taking the time out and just kicking it with her. it was pretty crazy becuase the moment we were going to sit and watch the movie she rented our other roomie came back from Stanford Conference. anywho, pretty much we've just been on conflicting schedules all weekend.
however i was able to get my weekly mah jong fix with the Triple K crew at a different location and night. i think this marks the first time Tracy has been able to play mah jong with us since the start of the school year. we were also able to break-in Emiko's new set of penalty cards at tonight's/morning's game. Well the sun is about to rise which means it's time for me to get some much needed rest. i doubt my sleep cycle will ever get back to normal... bleh =P
Saturday, November 10, 2001
Thursday, November 08, 2001
Again Life Goes On...
i never really understood the old cliche "to take life one day at a time" and i think today i'm finally starting to realize the true meaning of it... after going to my pre-med advisor today i've come to the conclusion life doesn't always go according to plan... case in point, according to my original plan i was going to graduate in 4 years take a year off to play or whatever and then dive into med school... but now it doesn't seem so clear cut as it used to be... now i'm coming to grips with the possibility i may not get into the med school of my choice which really makes me question my abilities... but after thinking, thinking, more thinking, and talking upon talking my friend's have helped me to realize that life isn't about making neat little plans, but rolling gracefully with the punches... but it wasn't all bad news coming out of that meeting with my pre-med advisor, he really helped me to see that although it won't be easy it's something i can definitely handle if i really push myself... all day today i've just been thinking how i want to restructure my life and in the process i ended up stressing out and just thinknig about how there is just no time for me to do all i need to get done... anywho, i realized that all these little things can't be dealt with all at once like i want to and that i really do need to take my time enjoy it because i will only be given this opprotunity once.. special thanks to my wifey steph ng, philip, and my roomie for listening to my pyscho-babble... i know i tend to react and then think afterwards... =)
i never really understood the old cliche "to take life one day at a time" and i think today i'm finally starting to realize the true meaning of it... after going to my pre-med advisor today i've come to the conclusion life doesn't always go according to plan... case in point, according to my original plan i was going to graduate in 4 years take a year off to play or whatever and then dive into med school... but now it doesn't seem so clear cut as it used to be... now i'm coming to grips with the possibility i may not get into the med school of my choice which really makes me question my abilities... but after thinking, thinking, more thinking, and talking upon talking my friend's have helped me to realize that life isn't about making neat little plans, but rolling gracefully with the punches... but it wasn't all bad news coming out of that meeting with my pre-med advisor, he really helped me to see that although it won't be easy it's something i can definitely handle if i really push myself... all day today i've just been thinking how i want to restructure my life and in the process i ended up stressing out and just thinknig about how there is just no time for me to do all i need to get done... anywho, i realized that all these little things can't be dealt with all at once like i want to and that i really do need to take my time enjoy it because i will only be given this opprotunity once.. special thanks to my wifey steph ng, philip, and my roomie for listening to my pyscho-babble... i know i tend to react and then think afterwards... =)
Saturday, November 03, 2001
Life Proceeds
well, the news wasn't great when i went into academic advising today... in fact, the news hit me hard and quite honestly disrupted my nice little neat plan i had for college and my career in general... however in hindsight thanks to some very good friends i've come to the realization that is just merely a set back and nothing much i can do to change the facts... without getting into too many details today i received the wake-up call i had been waiting for... i went to the bookstore bought up some fatty fat mcat prep books, looked for some prep classes to enroll in, and got two chapters from my mcat review outta the way... afterwards i felt much better and in fact got back into the groove with my "family" whom i rarely see because of our busy schedules... tomorrow looks like it might be another saturday study session, but we'll see how it turns out... i think i can sleep happy tonight knowing that my best really is good enough... =)
well, the news wasn't great when i went into academic advising today... in fact, the news hit me hard and quite honestly disrupted my nice little neat plan i had for college and my career in general... however in hindsight thanks to some very good friends i've come to the realization that is just merely a set back and nothing much i can do to change the facts... without getting into too many details today i received the wake-up call i had been waiting for... i went to the bookstore bought up some fatty fat mcat prep books, looked for some prep classes to enroll in, and got two chapters from my mcat review outta the way... afterwards i felt much better and in fact got back into the groove with my "family" whom i rarely see because of our busy schedules... tomorrow looks like it might be another saturday study session, but we'll see how it turns out... i think i can sleep happy tonight knowing that my best really is good enough... =)
Tuesday, October 30, 2001
untitled
last friday marked another great day at disneyland with the initiation of Tricia into our annual disneyland pass club... it's was pretty funny how she ended up buying a pass.. she tried to get in using our friend's pass (who incidently is a guy) and she was immediately stopped in her tracks.. but she was a good actress and claimed she had taken her boyfriend's pass by mistake... very believable... but anyways, for halloween/christmas ( i don't think those two holidays go together very well...) they've totally changed the haunted mansion into The Nightmare Before Christmas... i was little skeptical about it but after going through it i can say disney did alright in comparison to the crap ass job they did with moving the main street electrical parade to california adventure...
in other news, i have finally fingured out Dumpling Inn's recipe for scallion beef... yeah! i was actually inspired to try it once more after looking through some recipes for orange chicken when i read over the ingredients which included ginger... so i decided to use ginger and low and behold scallion beef was created in my very own kitchen...
so check this out i gave my roomie david a haircut at about 3 in the morning a couple days ago... it was the first time i've ever cut hair and the only real experience i've had is all the haircuts i've had before... actually i think if i can just get a little more practice i could start cutting other people's hair or at least cut my roomie's hair on a regular basis since he doesn't pay to get his haircut... anywho, in terms of school my academic life goes on and graduation is quickly approaching... in fact, i'm quite frightened at the prospect of being school-less for a year inbetween graduation and med school... i honestly don't know what i want to do... part of me wants to just find a real job while the other part is saying just lay low and relax... but after living away from home for the very first time i know that i don't want to go back and i really hope that when next year comes along i'll be living with my roomies still... but we'll see how the melody of life plays itself out...
last friday marked another great day at disneyland with the initiation of Tricia into our annual disneyland pass club... it's was pretty funny how she ended up buying a pass.. she tried to get in using our friend's pass (who incidently is a guy) and she was immediately stopped in her tracks.. but she was a good actress and claimed she had taken her boyfriend's pass by mistake... very believable... but anyways, for halloween/christmas ( i don't think those two holidays go together very well...) they've totally changed the haunted mansion into The Nightmare Before Christmas... i was little skeptical about it but after going through it i can say disney did alright in comparison to the crap ass job they did with moving the main street electrical parade to california adventure...
in other news, i have finally fingured out Dumpling Inn's recipe for scallion beef... yeah! i was actually inspired to try it once more after looking through some recipes for orange chicken when i read over the ingredients which included ginger... so i decided to use ginger and low and behold scallion beef was created in my very own kitchen...
so check this out i gave my roomie david a haircut at about 3 in the morning a couple days ago... it was the first time i've ever cut hair and the only real experience i've had is all the haircuts i've had before... actually i think if i can just get a little more practice i could start cutting other people's hair or at least cut my roomie's hair on a regular basis since he doesn't pay to get his haircut... anywho, in terms of school my academic life goes on and graduation is quickly approaching... in fact, i'm quite frightened at the prospect of being school-less for a year inbetween graduation and med school... i honestly don't know what i want to do... part of me wants to just find a real job while the other part is saying just lay low and relax... but after living away from home for the very first time i know that i don't want to go back and i really hope that when next year comes along i'll be living with my roomies still... but we'll see how the melody of life plays itself out...
Wednesday, October 24, 2001
5, 4, 3, 2...
well, the countdown has begun to my last midterm in ~33 hours... it's about 1:20 in the morning and i can't seem to get into sleepmode... you know, it's when you want to sleep because you know you should but random thoughts are just running through your head?
hmmm... as i was writing this my roomie steph came home and now i'm just wide awake... i guess this means i'll try to study myself to sleep...
well, the countdown has begun to my last midterm in ~33 hours... it's about 1:20 in the morning and i can't seem to get into sleepmode... you know, it's when you want to sleep because you know you should but random thoughts are just running through your head?
hmmm... as i was writing this my roomie steph came home and now i'm just wide awake... i guess this means i'll try to study myself to sleep...
Friday, October 19, 2001
I'm older
Well it's been a long time coming , but i've finally gathered the strength to write...
october 9th was my 21st birthday and my roomies threw me a surprise party which i managed to figure out since i came home unexpectedly... nevertheless the thought and execution was perfect. =) and let me just say i'm totally in love with all my roomies, all 8 of them, for being so fun and sweet on my bday. anywho, i'm in the middle of midterms and i have one more to go this week... i'll keep it short and sweet... good luck for those of you with midterms and paper's due this week...
Well it's been a long time coming , but i've finally gathered the strength to write...
october 9th was my 21st birthday and my roomies threw me a surprise party which i managed to figure out since i came home unexpectedly... nevertheless the thought and execution was perfect. =) and let me just say i'm totally in love with all my roomies, all 8 of them, for being so fun and sweet on my bday. anywho, i'm in the middle of midterms and i have one more to go this week... i'll keep it short and sweet... good luck for those of you with midterms and paper's due this week...
Tuesday, October 02, 2001
Feeling the burn
Well, it's monday night/tuesday morning and i'm definately feeling the pressure of the quarter... by my estimations i think i should be getting to bed by 5 if i'm lucky enough to finish my reading... but oddly i'm not stressed out... usually when my life gets to the point like this i'm bawling my eyes out by the end of the night because i hate it so much, but strangely i'm content and quite proud of the fact i study every night... unfortunately this life of studying and APSA organizing has left hardly any room for socialization... it seriously hurts to not be able to hang out with my family every night like the "old" times... but like philip said eventually peter pan must leave never never land... i just didn't think it would be this soon... *sigh*
in between my study times however i've been able to really discover the fact that i love living with my roomies... each of them is so dynamic and i honestly don't think i could've planned it out any better... we've done so much already together and it'll be a shame when steph leaves our happy home... we've cooked, laughed, played, cried, and i just love em! "that's my roomie! all 8 of them!"
Well, it's monday night/tuesday morning and i'm definately feeling the pressure of the quarter... by my estimations i think i should be getting to bed by 5 if i'm lucky enough to finish my reading... but oddly i'm not stressed out... usually when my life gets to the point like this i'm bawling my eyes out by the end of the night because i hate it so much, but strangely i'm content and quite proud of the fact i study every night... unfortunately this life of studying and APSA organizing has left hardly any room for socialization... it seriously hurts to not be able to hang out with my family every night like the "old" times... but like philip said eventually peter pan must leave never never land... i just didn't think it would be this soon... *sigh*
in between my study times however i've been able to really discover the fact that i love living with my roomies... each of them is so dynamic and i honestly don't think i could've planned it out any better... we've done so much already together and it'll be a shame when steph leaves our happy home... we've cooked, laughed, played, cried, and i just love em! "that's my roomie! all 8 of them!"
Sunday, September 30, 2001
2nd Week
it's about two in the morning sunday and i canot sleep... this is due to the fact that i took a nap late in the afternoon and now i can't get to sleep... i hate when that happens, it just messes up my sleep cycle. (not that it was normal to begin with)... looking at what needs to get done i realize that this will definately be a busy year... if i can make it out on top then i can truly say i'm a worthy pre-med student... God give me the strength i need to go on and the patience to see it through...
it's about two in the morning sunday and i canot sleep... this is due to the fact that i took a nap late in the afternoon and now i can't get to sleep... i hate when that happens, it just messes up my sleep cycle. (not that it was normal to begin with)... looking at what needs to get done i realize that this will definately be a busy year... if i can make it out on top then i can truly say i'm a worthy pre-med student... God give me the strength i need to go on and the patience to see it through...
Tuesday, September 25, 2001
First Week
it's the first day of the first week of school and i'm still up studying... bleh... sucks, huh? and i'm still far from finishing this reading i said i'd finish... i guess it would be partially my fault since i didn't get all my books today, but still i have tons of reading to finish...
this morning me and roomies were having breakfast today and i came to the realization that i'm slowly turning into my parents... no longer do i settle for microwave burritos or instance TV dinners i need to eat real food.. meaning food that is actually prepared and cooked by hand... not to say i don't enjoy my fair share of McDonalds, but overall if given the choice i'd prefer to take the time it takes to prepare a good meal than to zap something in the microwave... yeah, just the other day i was shopping in 99 ranch and i picked out vegetables, meat, and lots of different things my mommy usually buys to make her home cooking... i felt so adult! =)... well, i better finish off this study break and get back to reading about bacteria...
it's the first day of the first week of school and i'm still up studying... bleh... sucks, huh? and i'm still far from finishing this reading i said i'd finish... i guess it would be partially my fault since i didn't get all my books today, but still i have tons of reading to finish...
this morning me and roomies were having breakfast today and i came to the realization that i'm slowly turning into my parents... no longer do i settle for microwave burritos or instance TV dinners i need to eat real food.. meaning food that is actually prepared and cooked by hand... not to say i don't enjoy my fair share of McDonalds, but overall if given the choice i'd prefer to take the time it takes to prepare a good meal than to zap something in the microwave... yeah, just the other day i was shopping in 99 ranch and i picked out vegetables, meat, and lots of different things my mommy usually buys to make her home cooking... i felt so adult! =)... well, i better finish off this study break and get back to reading about bacteria...
Saturday, September 22, 2001
mahal kita~
translation - "love you"... on the way back to home from disneyland today me and mayrin were just taking about how we talk to our parents and she happened to hear me being short on the phone with my mom... afterwards we talked a bit about my relationship with my parents and she told me in the end you never know if the last time you talk to your parents will the last time and so whenever she talks to her parents even if they were arguing she tells them that she loves them... so very true... the terrorist attacks last tuesday prove that you never know when the unexpected will strike.. in that respect i think i'll be telling more people that i love them... and you should do the same, starting with your parents... go call them up and tell them you love them even if you have to call for a stupid reason just to say it.... i for instance called my mommy to ask for money and then told her i loved her... you can pick your own way... =)
translation - "love you"... on the way back to home from disneyland today me and mayrin were just taking about how we talk to our parents and she happened to hear me being short on the phone with my mom... afterwards we talked a bit about my relationship with my parents and she told me in the end you never know if the last time you talk to your parents will the last time and so whenever she talks to her parents even if they were arguing she tells them that she loves them... so very true... the terrorist attacks last tuesday prove that you never know when the unexpected will strike.. in that respect i think i'll be telling more people that i love them... and you should do the same, starting with your parents... go call them up and tell them you love them even if you have to call for a stupid reason just to say it.... i for instance called my mommy to ask for money and then told her i loved her... you can pick your own way... =)
Thursday, September 20, 2001
Back to School
yes, some of you people didn't believe it was possible, but school is starting up again for me... technically the school year has already begun starting this week, week 0 out of our 10 week academic quarter... wow, if i get everything done correctly this should be my last year and then it's off into the real world... pretty frightening stuff... times like this i wish was 5 years old again but with the mental capacity to truly enjoy it... oh yeah, check out and see how much you're worth at in the apartment we're seeing how much everyone is worth... presently the rankings go phil, steph a., me, mayrin, and david... we all range from ~$2,200,000 to ~$1,600,000.... well, time to get some rest before my big first day of school =)
yes, some of you people didn't believe it was possible, but school is starting up again for me... technically the school year has already begun starting this week, week 0 out of our 10 week academic quarter... wow, if i get everything done correctly this should be my last year and then it's off into the real world... pretty frightening stuff... times like this i wish was 5 years old again but with the mental capacity to truly enjoy it... oh yeah, check out and see how much you're worth at in the apartment we're seeing how much everyone is worth... presently the rankings go phil, steph a., me, mayrin, and david... we all range from ~$2,200,000 to ~$1,600,000.... well, time to get some rest before my big first day of school =)
Wednesday, September 19, 2001
Now I know...
why computer programmers in general are so fat... i spent the majority of my day inside the apartment today working on APSA flyers, newsletter and updating my PDA and while i was doing that I was eating, constantly... if i wasn't having a carne asada taco then it was guacamole + chips or fried rice and bbq pork... but on the good side I've been drinking plenty of water so i'll be a hydrated fatty fat...
why computer programmers in general are so fat... i spent the majority of my day inside the apartment today working on APSA flyers, newsletter and updating my PDA and while i was doing that I was eating, constantly... if i wasn't having a carne asada taco then it was guacamole + chips or fried rice and bbq pork... but on the good side I've been drinking plenty of water so i'll be a hydrated fatty fat...
Tuesday, September 18, 2001
Back in the Groove
after going through a pretty down week my life has returned to some normalcy, despite what's going on on the east coast. having finally talked to my closest friends I was able to get a better understanding of myself and what i really wanted.... in the end, i'm much more happier and more content with who i am and i shouldn't be mad or upset at what i feel are shortcomings because frankly to others they're just trivial little things... and just cuz i never say it enough "i love you guys"...
tonight theTriple K Mah Jong group began it's second week pre-season game which started off slow and ended quite early by our standards but, it's still only pre-season and we have all year to play! unfortunately one of our own is MIA in japan and we've been combing to find a suitable replacement... which reminds me i need to get a set for myself... damn those american mah jong sets... if i could only find one without the numbers written in the corner. (sorry agnes...)
despite returning to normal, happy life my family at home goes through more drama with my younger brother as he struggles to get through all his high school drama shit... it's seriously funny how different me and my younger brother are... after seeing what my brother is capable of doing i know we are definately as opposite as two sides of a coin... a couple of nights ago my bro decided to sneak out of the house and go for a joy ride... not only did he not have car insurance, but he decided to take out my mom's car at 2 in the morning despite the fact there is a curfew for minors after 10 pm... and all he had to say for himself was that he just wanted to get a hamburger and drive around by himself... needless to say my mom doesn't believe a word he said... and i honestly don't know what to do with him... i just hope that this is the worst of his high school drama shit... cuz i'd hate to see what else he could do... aiyo~...
after going through a pretty down week my life has returned to some normalcy, despite what's going on on the east coast. having finally talked to my closest friends I was able to get a better understanding of myself and what i really wanted.... in the end, i'm much more happier and more content with who i am and i shouldn't be mad or upset at what i feel are shortcomings because frankly to others they're just trivial little things... and just cuz i never say it enough "i love you guys"...
tonight theTriple K Mah Jong group began it's second week pre-season game which started off slow and ended quite early by our standards but, it's still only pre-season and we have all year to play! unfortunately one of our own is MIA in japan and we've been combing to find a suitable replacement... which reminds me i need to get a set for myself... damn those american mah jong sets... if i could only find one without the numbers written in the corner. (sorry agnes...)
despite returning to normal, happy life my family at home goes through more drama with my younger brother as he struggles to get through all his high school drama shit... it's seriously funny how different me and my younger brother are... after seeing what my brother is capable of doing i know we are definately as opposite as two sides of a coin... a couple of nights ago my bro decided to sneak out of the house and go for a joy ride... not only did he not have car insurance, but he decided to take out my mom's car at 2 in the morning despite the fact there is a curfew for minors after 10 pm... and all he had to say for himself was that he just wanted to get a hamburger and drive around by himself... needless to say my mom doesn't believe a word he said... and i honestly don't know what to do with him... i just hope that this is the worst of his high school drama shit... cuz i'd hate to see what else he could do... aiyo~...
Saturday, September 15, 2001
no good
yesterday i didn't get to bed till 7am... tonight looks like it may be the same time.. i thought that maybe being by myself would help me, but the tension is still there and i think i've just made myself sick... my appetite has gone and i've only eaten once today... what bugs me the most is i can't let go of this feeling i have in my gut despite how hard i try... i can't even let it go for a second long enough to let myself find peace to sleep... the tension builds and pretty soon it will need to be released one way or another... i don't know what how my emotions will effect my relationships with others... in fact today i blew off going to dim sum with rosie which i feel extremely guilty for and i shut everyone out of my life for a day by turning off my cell phone and staying in my room... in fact, i think some friends wanted me to go to LA with them but i just never returned their call... i really i could get over this and get back to normal... to me this is big, but to others it my seem trivial and that's why i think i refrain from sharing it... i give much love to my roomie steph who has listened to me and shared her feelings on the subject... i really can't describe the how much i appreciate the support you've given me... *sigh* usually around this time i would be playing around and enjoying summer, but instead i sit here wondering why the fuck i feel the way i do...
yesterday i didn't get to bed till 7am... tonight looks like it may be the same time.. i thought that maybe being by myself would help me, but the tension is still there and i think i've just made myself sick... my appetite has gone and i've only eaten once today... what bugs me the most is i can't let go of this feeling i have in my gut despite how hard i try... i can't even let it go for a second long enough to let myself find peace to sleep... the tension builds and pretty soon it will need to be released one way or another... i don't know what how my emotions will effect my relationships with others... in fact today i blew off going to dim sum with rosie which i feel extremely guilty for and i shut everyone out of my life for a day by turning off my cell phone and staying in my room... in fact, i think some friends wanted me to go to LA with them but i just never returned their call... i really i could get over this and get back to normal... to me this is big, but to others it my seem trivial and that's why i think i refrain from sharing it... i give much love to my roomie steph who has listened to me and shared her feelings on the subject... i really can't describe the how much i appreciate the support you've given me... *sigh* usually around this time i would be playing around and enjoying summer, but instead i sit here wondering why the fuck i feel the way i do...
Friday, September 14, 2001
It's 3 o'clock...
in the morning and i'm still wide and awake... the apartment is missing jasmine and david, but at the same time has gotten mayrin and phil (the "other" roomies)... i just got back from having a great talk with roomie steph and it's just gotten the wheels in my head thinking... i've started to analyze myself and honestly i don't like what i see... i really don't know how to get my thought processes adequately protrayed on this forum... it's so frustrating to have these thoughts in my head and no way of letting them out... and perhaps it's always been that way... i've always been a person to keep thoughts to myself and not let the world in... when asked simple questions like what's your favorite movie or what would you like do? i freeze... i think about these answers which should come easily to me... you'd think this type of response would come from talking to a stranger, but they occur when talking to some of the closest people in my life... it scares me to think that these people whom i love and care about I can never really express to them what i'm feeling or even share my deepest and most intimate thoughts... honestly, with my best friends i've never really discussed issues of relationships, their personal lives, or the small details of one's life you share with someone you trust... i wonder soemtimes if its because i'm not someone who they can trust or is it because i'm someone who just can't share those things.... my hands are shaking as i type this and really hurts knowing that this strong silent type i've become to be has isolated me from people i love... on the outside i have friends and family surrounding me and yes i interact with them on a daily basis... they are the faces i look forward to seeing everyday and yet through all the good times i've had with these people i can never really say with absolute certainty that they know me inside and out and vesa versa... that perhaps the reason why at this present moment i can't find solace in anyone... i doubt anyone close to me has ever really seen me lose my composture or even told the nitty gritty of the girls i've had crushes on... it's tragic almost, to have a best friend who has never known the that type of information which is so common amongst others... and yes i know i'm rambling on and on.. and probably by the time i wake up tomorrow I'll feel happy again but honesty i really wish i could get over this... i know eventually someone will read this and find pity or whatever and see to it they talk to me and see "what's up..." but i can't say that this openess i long for will come to them so easily...
i'm reminded of finals week last quarter and I was studying by myself in my honey's bedroom while the kids played in the other room... i guess steph could tell i was upset and she asked me what was wrong and like always i just told her nothing... she again before she left and she head the anil on the head by calling me out and saying that i was the the type of person to hold in their feelings... at that moment i just wanted to open up to her and tell her everything i was feeling... but that voice inside held my voice tight and i simply nodded and went back to studying... when she left i was so angry at myself for not saying a word... angry at the times when otehrs have offered their ear and i simply gave it back to them... the stress of it nearly drove me to insanity until 5 muinutes later i did the only thing i could think of... it wasn't to go over to the next room and talk to my friends, it was to just sit and cry... keep my feelings inside and not let the world see my suffering... i just sat there and cried... the tears flowed like words i wished i had said... it's kinda funny too the way i cry... it's not really a weepy kind of cry or even loud for that matter... i just sat there and let the tears flow... very much like my personality, quiet at times... when i was done i walked to the bathroom washed my face and made sure to hide the signs of my pain... i even made sure my eyes weren't red and if anyone asked i would just say i was tired... it's so stupid... i guess being brought up as asian i was taught to never give anyone the burden of your problems, especially if you're a boy... from a young age i learned never to complain or say anything that would tend to upset others... as a result i'm a quiet, passive, and clam up when people want to talk.. granted you've all seen the opposite... the playful, loud, and talkative reggie... taking a hard look at myself i see that it's all merely a facade it seems... they say that comedians lead tragic lives and to some extent i feel as if they are right... i've begun to analyze my relationships with people and i see that hardly anyone i know has really sat with me and had a good long talk... not just about the current events but with everything and anything in their lives and in mine... to a greater extent i know much more about my friends than they know about me... and i think that statement says it all... what all this typing ends up to be... the fact that i as a person cannot communicate my feelings to other and to compensate i'm merely a sponge, i take it all in... i'm not saying i don't love to hear what my friends tell me because to know that people come to me and like the fact i can listen to them makes me happy... *sigh* it all makes so much more sense now.. the way my personality is at least... and the fact i don't have anyone to be with... and i really don't understand why... it fucking pisses me off that i can't have a friendship in which i feel perfectly at ease... not to say that i don't have friendships where i don't feel comfortable because i do,. but in the back of my head i know that there is this invisible barrier between us... this bridge we have yet to cross... i can see this is where i get my extreme jealously from... the fact that i feel so little makes me hold on to what i have even tighter... and anything that disturbs that i see as a threat to me... with my friends i'm like a bulldog, extremely protective of them... i'd give up my right arm to be with these people... argh, shit... i don't even know where i fucking going with this... let's just end it now by saying it's going to take a lot of time and strength for me to overcome this fear i have of sharing.. sharing my thoughts, secrets, friends, the intimate details which make up life....
it's 4 o'clock now and i just can't seem to release this stress... shoot me now someone... i have these wonderful friends in my life but in all honestly i feel as if i nothing more than an aquaintance to them.... i can't even talk to my parents... all they know of their son is that he's the pride of their family because he's the one going to med!, goddamnit... it's so stupid of me, to put my thoughts up this way, for the world to see... it would be much simpler to just walk into the next room and talk to them, but i can't i can't drive myself to do it... i think this is why sometimes i wait for people to make the first move versus myself... i can't get the inertia to do it... it's the numbing fear of getting rejected... i fear having to say meekly "it's okay, it's cool... i'm fine..." but knowing i should persue if it's wait i truely want...
the more i stay awake the more this problem persists... i can't shake it off... the picture is becoming clearer and i don't know how to react... i know what i want to say but can't say it... i can't even type it for fear of saying "too much"... it makes me mad that this stupid shit has ruined my composture... i'm actually shaking now... what's wrong with me? i'm I as emotionally unstable as i think i am? i think i'm going to take a drive...
i just got back from my drive... it's 5 am now... it did nothing.... i turned up the heat because i was shivering but it only made me sweat... it was almost like a 5 year old who runs away from home only to hide in the coat closet and come back 5 mins later... i have seriously never felt more depressed before in my life... and i know exactly why... this fucking sucks...
in the morning and i'm still wide and awake... the apartment is missing jasmine and david, but at the same time has gotten mayrin and phil (the "other" roomies)... i just got back from having a great talk with roomie steph and it's just gotten the wheels in my head thinking... i've started to analyze myself and honestly i don't like what i see... i really don't know how to get my thought processes adequately protrayed on this forum... it's so frustrating to have these thoughts in my head and no way of letting them out... and perhaps it's always been that way... i've always been a person to keep thoughts to myself and not let the world in... when asked simple questions like what's your favorite movie or what would you like do? i freeze... i think about these answers which should come easily to me... you'd think this type of response would come from talking to a stranger, but they occur when talking to some of the closest people in my life... it scares me to think that these people whom i love and care about I can never really express to them what i'm feeling or even share my deepest and most intimate thoughts... honestly, with my best friends i've never really discussed issues of relationships, their personal lives, or the small details of one's life you share with someone you trust... i wonder soemtimes if its because i'm not someone who they can trust or is it because i'm someone who just can't share those things.... my hands are shaking as i type this and really hurts knowing that this strong silent type i've become to be has isolated me from people i love... on the outside i have friends and family surrounding me and yes i interact with them on a daily basis... they are the faces i look forward to seeing everyday and yet through all the good times i've had with these people i can never really say with absolute certainty that they know me inside and out and vesa versa... that perhaps the reason why at this present moment i can't find solace in anyone... i doubt anyone close to me has ever really seen me lose my composture or even told the nitty gritty of the girls i've had crushes on... it's tragic almost, to have a best friend who has never known the that type of information which is so common amongst others... and yes i know i'm rambling on and on.. and probably by the time i wake up tomorrow I'll feel happy again but honesty i really wish i could get over this... i know eventually someone will read this and find pity or whatever and see to it they talk to me and see "what's up..." but i can't say that this openess i long for will come to them so easily...
i'm reminded of finals week last quarter and I was studying by myself in my honey's bedroom while the kids played in the other room... i guess steph could tell i was upset and she asked me what was wrong and like always i just told her nothing... she again before she left and she head the anil on the head by calling me out and saying that i was the the type of person to hold in their feelings... at that moment i just wanted to open up to her and tell her everything i was feeling... but that voice inside held my voice tight and i simply nodded and went back to studying... when she left i was so angry at myself for not saying a word... angry at the times when otehrs have offered their ear and i simply gave it back to them... the stress of it nearly drove me to insanity until 5 muinutes later i did the only thing i could think of... it wasn't to go over to the next room and talk to my friends, it was to just sit and cry... keep my feelings inside and not let the world see my suffering... i just sat there and cried... the tears flowed like words i wished i had said... it's kinda funny too the way i cry... it's not really a weepy kind of cry or even loud for that matter... i just sat there and let the tears flow... very much like my personality, quiet at times... when i was done i walked to the bathroom washed my face and made sure to hide the signs of my pain... i even made sure my eyes weren't red and if anyone asked i would just say i was tired... it's so stupid... i guess being brought up as asian i was taught to never give anyone the burden of your problems, especially if you're a boy... from a young age i learned never to complain or say anything that would tend to upset others... as a result i'm a quiet, passive, and clam up when people want to talk.. granted you've all seen the opposite... the playful, loud, and talkative reggie... taking a hard look at myself i see that it's all merely a facade it seems... they say that comedians lead tragic lives and to some extent i feel as if they are right... i've begun to analyze my relationships with people and i see that hardly anyone i know has really sat with me and had a good long talk... not just about the current events but with everything and anything in their lives and in mine... to a greater extent i know much more about my friends than they know about me... and i think that statement says it all... what all this typing ends up to be... the fact that i as a person cannot communicate my feelings to other and to compensate i'm merely a sponge, i take it all in... i'm not saying i don't love to hear what my friends tell me because to know that people come to me and like the fact i can listen to them makes me happy... *sigh* it all makes so much more sense now.. the way my personality is at least... and the fact i don't have anyone to be with... and i really don't understand why... it fucking pisses me off that i can't have a friendship in which i feel perfectly at ease... not to say that i don't have friendships where i don't feel comfortable because i do,. but in the back of my head i know that there is this invisible barrier between us... this bridge we have yet to cross... i can see this is where i get my extreme jealously from... the fact that i feel so little makes me hold on to what i have even tighter... and anything that disturbs that i see as a threat to me... with my friends i'm like a bulldog, extremely protective of them... i'd give up my right arm to be with these people... argh, shit... i don't even know where i fucking going with this... let's just end it now by saying it's going to take a lot of time and strength for me to overcome this fear i have of sharing.. sharing my thoughts, secrets, friends, the intimate details which make up life....
it's 4 o'clock now and i just can't seem to release this stress... shoot me now someone... i have these wonderful friends in my life but in all honestly i feel as if i nothing more than an aquaintance to them.... i can't even talk to my parents... all they know of their son is that he's the pride of their family because he's the one going to med!, goddamnit... it's so stupid of me, to put my thoughts up this way, for the world to see... it would be much simpler to just walk into the next room and talk to them, but i can't i can't drive myself to do it... i think this is why sometimes i wait for people to make the first move versus myself... i can't get the inertia to do it... it's the numbing fear of getting rejected... i fear having to say meekly "it's okay, it's cool... i'm fine..." but knowing i should persue if it's wait i truely want...
the more i stay awake the more this problem persists... i can't shake it off... the picture is becoming clearer and i don't know how to react... i know what i want to say but can't say it... i can't even type it for fear of saying "too much"... it makes me mad that this stupid shit has ruined my composture... i'm actually shaking now... what's wrong with me? i'm I as emotionally unstable as i think i am? i think i'm going to take a drive...
i just got back from my drive... it's 5 am now... it did nothing.... i turned up the heat because i was shivering but it only made me sweat... it was almost like a 5 year old who runs away from home only to hide in the coat closet and come back 5 mins later... i have seriously never felt more depressed before in my life... and i know exactly why... this fucking sucks...
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