i just moved into my new xanga... from here on out i guess i'll be posting from there, unless i figure out i don't like. feel like i shouldn't sulley my new canvas with a random entry until i get some intelligent entries going...

i went to the dentist finally after almost 2 years of not visiting for my bi-annual cleaning. i was never afraid of the dentist until my insurance plans switched. up until then i had an awesome dentist who had seen me ever since i was a little kid. in fact, i volunteered in his office during my senior year in high school to see if i wanted to become a dentist. it wasn't for me... a bit too boring... later that year i found out that dentist have the highest rates of suicides among medical professionals. anywho, after my insurance switched i ended up at this bitch of a dentist who didn't even polish my teeth when i came in for a cleaning.... she just used a water-pik and on top of that she was rude. so after that horrible experience with the new dentist i didn't make any new appointments to get my teeth cleaned. anywho, my parents just found me a new dentist and my whole family likes her so i decided to make an appointment. when i walked in the receptionist mistook me for my little bro... turns out that my upper wisdom teeth don't pose a problem, but my bottom wisdom teeth which haven't fully come out are impacted. she referred me to an oral surgeon who is going to take an arch x-ray to see if removing them is necessary. i'm hoping the answer is no, since graduation is less than 4 weeks away and i wouldn't want to be all swollen during graduation.

i've decided to move my bloggie to xanga... i like the fact it's so easy to link up to other blogs and you can join web rings... more importantly blogger has been dragging it's feet on providing its premium service which is what i really want... just want to be able to post pictures along with my blogs... anywho, when i finish creating it, i'll post up the link...

last night before i fell asleep took a relationship attraction quiz... here are my results

You have a dazzling personality
You're a pillar of strength and stability for the people in your life. You're responsible, loyal, and hardworking. In a crisis, you're definitely a man who can "come to the rescue." In fact, you're known for your common sense advice and business savvy. Your life is very ordered and busy since you're always juggling your career, family and friends, and community involvement. But you have room in your life for someone special. You're not someone who "wears his heart on his sleeve" so those close to you don't always know how you feel. However, they always know they can count on you to do what you say and say what you mean.

in terms of my match it basically said what i've known for a while... i have very high standards and that might stand in the way of me finding my soulmate... damn...

end scene

tonight was our closing APSA board meeting... only had 3 points of business to discuss and then rest of the meeting was devoted to an activity where we wished each of the board members goodbye... one of those crying meetings... starting to hit me that within 4 weeks this place i called my safe space will be gone... the overarching theme of the night was that we will never be given a space like this again... so true... there aren't that many places where you can discuss what it means to be asian american while making the best friends of your life. my friends and apsa are mutually inclusive...

i felt like such a yuppie this weekend... i bought a bottle of evian water... actually more or less just to see if it tasted any different... i really couldn't even tell the difference... in fact, i think arrowhead bottled water tastes just as good.

my uncle just bought a new land cruiser... it's a pretty sweet ride. i got to play around with it when i went to my grandmother's house for mother's day.

i was at tgi.friday's tonight (the second time this weekend) for my friend steph's bday when i heard this song which reminded me of this kpop song which i loved back in the day... searching for it on kazaa, but it's a no go... anyone one have "the bros - win win" mp3?

Happy Mother's Day!

i feel like i've been in an artistic rut... haven't taken any new photographs lately and my idea to start painting hasn't fully developed. i still have an idea for a series of small paintings i want to do, but i keep putting it off because the funding for the brushes, paint, and canvas has been reallocated to more important things, like eating and bills. still can't seem to get my film for the asian film festival off the ground. =/... need inspiration to give me a great big kick in the butt.

i tend to place the needs of others before myself, which usually ends up catching up with me in the end. my goal of self-improvement has taken a bit of a step back with all the other obligations in my life... it's like a horrible cycle i need to break. i think i just need some time to tackle life on my own. i just need that time where i can stay in my little cocoon and transform myself into the person that i want to be. speaking of transformations, has anyone seen that show on ABC "extreme make-overs"? they take people's physical flaws and fix them up... this one girl on the show had really big lips so they removed some of the extra tissue and while they were at it they whitened her teeth, gave her lasik surgery, and gave her a tummy tuck. i take it as the easy fix to a a perfect body. the show so perfectly embodies what Americans are known for, the want for instant gratification. this is why eating disorders are dominantly a western disease because we're given these molds of perfection everyone should adhere to.

the second/last night of pcc was definitely of tha hook... so good! definitely made me proud to be a part of what could only be described as a full out production... i know i've said that before, but until you've actually seen it it's hard to explain the caliber of show we put on. big props to abe and jay for writing it and allowing me to be a part of their vision. i'm wondering now if i'll get that pcc-withdrawl everyone is talking about. i think i'll miss the excitement of performing more than the practices. there was just a wonderful energy when we were backstage in the wings getting ready. tonight my friends bought me flowers. =) i felt so proud just walking around afterwards with my two big bouquet of flowers... it was like "my friends love me this much!"...

with pcc done i'm trading in one set of stress for another... APSA Grad Banquet is coming at the end of this month.

i'm the type of individual that believes everything that happens in our life happens for a reason and that the people we meet along the way serve a purpose in our path. for some it may be to show us the complusary nature of friendships and building lasting relationships, while others may be simply to temper us so we're more critical of the trust we give... however, there are some people who i just don't know where they fit in... i refuse to believe that they are just extraneous variables to this equation i'm trying to figure out. during our last rehearsal for the show the tech guy told us "the answer is only a question away". although he was referring to the role we played in the show, it holds true for many other aspects of life. so often we fail to ask that question. so maybe following that fortune cookie wasn't has ill quided as i had once thought...

pilipino cultural celebration opening night was just amazing... despite the fact we never had a full out run through the show went off splendidly... unlike most pcns it was more than just a skit with dances put in... it was in fact, an all out production... sets, songs, and original songs... talking to a friend post-show we talked about how as a first timer to the pcc way of life you feel a bit isolated and get this "i hate this shit" feeling, but when it's all said and done you love the process. so very true. anywho, the last show is tonight and my parents are coming... yay!

i miss disneyland caramel apples...

pilipino cultural celebration is less than 24 hours away... my legs and voice and tired... we haven't had a full dress rehearsal and i'm afraid our first one will turn out be our first performance on stage tonight.... everyone says it will come together... let's just pray that it all does...

when we were dancing in front of the mirrors i started to notice how skinny i was... mayn! so much for working out every other day and getting beach fit... =/... i think i need to hired a personal trainer because obviously trying to do this on my own isn't working. anyone know of any free personal trainers? once pcc is done and a have a little more time to myself then i'll try to get back to the gym... if i don't stay in san diego for post bacc work and have to leave my apartment i don't know what i'll do in terms of working out. hopefully my next apartment will have a gym as good as the one i'm going to now... they have free rec classes and awesome facilities... at my last apartment i thought the gym was pretty good, but the one i'm going to now makes it look like a gym you'd find in someone's garage...

still waiting to hear back from ucsf... please please please give me an interview! all i want is an interview...

so last month i received a fortune cookie that said to follow the advice of my heart. i kept the fortune in my wallet and decided to make decisions based on what my heart was telling me... all i can say is stupid ass fortune cookie!

it recently came to my attention that the ads blogger puts up are selected based upon what the author writes on his/her blog...my friend is boycotting blogger because one of the ads she got on her site was for a mail-order bride company. obviously there isn't anyone screening for the content of these ads. so i checked my roomie jas's blog and the ad on her blog was for "happiness pills"... hehehe... i guess when you use your blog to gripe it figures you're super depressed and need medication... this is all funny because jas is one of the happiest and sweetest people i know! maybe i should consider moving my blog to xanga or livejournal...

i'll be glad when pcc is finally done and over with. today was just a long ass day. i went to work and afterwards went straight to rehearsals and didn't get home till around midnight tonight... tomorrow looks to be another long day. we're finally going to do a full run through.. so sad, we don't even know how the story ends...

it was nice to get back to work... and i actually caught up with everything and hopefully tomorrow will be an easy day. i'm dreading the fact that i have to tell my boss i won't be coming into work on friday because of my performance. but ehhh... she can fire me... hahaha... i doubt that, but i'm sure she'll be upset nonetheless.

i know i should be getting myself to bed now... esp since i went through my AIM list and g'nited all my friends, but i've always had a hard time trying to falling of asleep even when i'm tired. i'm jealous of the people who can just forget their worries, relax, and fall asleep anywhere and anytime. for me all the conditions have to be just right on top of the fact my mind has to be completely blank. i have to make a concerted effort to not think about anything when i try to fall asleep because it always seems that when i lay my head on my pillow all the troubles i put aside in the back of my head creep back up. usually it's my own insecurities that get the best of me. as i slowly approach the point at which my career should start taking shape i'm left with the afterthought of "what now?" more so about relationships or lack thereof. i can't help but feel i'm either being punished for picking a career that doesn't facilitate finding your soulmate or it's just karmic tribution on my part because i'm apparently so evil no one wants to be with me? i think this is an all time high in consecutive blogs that i'm made mention to the fact i'm alone... how depressing, i should stop wallowing in my own selfpity. if i ever make mention of this fact in the near future feel free to tell me to get over it. i think it's the fact i'm suffering pre-mature old maid syndrome... my mom once told me that if i stay picky for the rest of my life i'm going to end up like her sister, who not coincidently is still single and now currently leaves with my family... i used to be so confident.... i used to think i was the golden child now i feel more like eddie murphey... thinking about it now, the fact that i'm done with school probably is a good reason behind why i've just now come this realization... all this free time is bad for my self image. when i was busy with school i could easily ignore myself and concentrate on school, friends, and APSA... well, i think i just about managed to empty my brain contents on this blog so now i can go to sleep with a clear mind.... g'nite friends...

why is it whenever I count my chickens before they hatch they always end up being stillborn? =/

i went to the APSA meeting and stayed longer than i had expected. my punishment. i got another parking ticket! freakin regents! i graduate yet they still take more of my money. =/... speaking of money i just got in my new checks in the mail. first time i've actually spent money on designer checks... i'm usually too cheap and just get the standard checks that my bank gives me for free. i received word from davis that i won't be getting an interview. =( somewhat disappointed, but not really concerned. like i said before it's now a matter of fate. if i get in, then i was really meant to become a doctor. if not, then it's time i look inside myself and see what other plans are in store for me. on the bright side of things if i don't get into any post bacc program it means i wasn't meant to be alone for the next 8 years of life. any takers? i'm cute, smart, funny, and know how to cook!

my dad just bought my car some new tires! woo hoo. i told him i'd repay him back sometime down the line with a new set of tires along with a new benz. lets hope i can make good on my promise. i knew i shouldn't have taken that nap today... it's going to be so hard to go to sleep tonight...

i called in sick again at work today. my boss actually called me back to see how i was doing which really caught me off guard.... good thing i still had my raspy morning voice. i always feel guilty calling in sick which is why i like it better when all i have to do is leave a voicemail for my boss. the first of the month is always the busiest since we're shipping out all last month's samples. since i'm the only one who's computer literate in the lab they need me to ship out the samples. hence the reason i feel somewhat guilty for not being there, but i think i'm justified in needing my rest. anywho, my boss was asking if i had been to the doctor since she would need a note from her if was going to be out for more than 3 days. but i should be back to normal by tomorrow if i get a good night's rest. i may even go to work for a full 8 hours! i really should take this job more seiously. i've always had the mentality that since i'm a student i'm given special provisions in the work place. ie. time off for midterms and finals, calling in sick if i need to study, coming in late if i need to talk to a professor, etc, etc, etc. as you can see i don't really take my work all too seriously at the research clinic.

quiz-o-rama
so apparently i am every bit as angelic as i thought... hahaha...

while reading about the different levels of hell i found out the deepest level of hell, level 9, is actually cold and icy and not hot with fire... so i guess the saying "when hell freezes over" doesn't apply since it's already frozen...

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

now this is funny...


narcissistic


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

it's the second night i find myself in a self-prescribed drug stupor. i'm really glad that i don't have school anymore, otherwise i would not be a good place right now. the APSA business machine is chugging along fine without my presence at tonight's board meeting. hopefully a full night's rest is all need to be 100% percent again.

my plans for the summer should start to materialize within the next two weeks. this week i should be hearing back from UCDavis as to a possible interview. i'm a bit nervous. although i think i'm now at a place in my life where i'm willing to pick up the pieces if i don't make it into any of the programs i applied to and start fresh. deep down though i know i made the right decision. i'm leaving the rest up to fate to decide whether or not it's going to happen. my trip to new york has been put on hold until i can figure out my career situation. until then i'll just be waiting for phil to get his ass back on the west coast.

PCC is just around the corner. the show is this weekend. not being able to practice on stage i think has left many of the performers out of sync with the show. we still have yet to see any of the sets or even do a full run through with tech and sound. i honestly think the caliber show we're putting on is going to be far and beyond what people are expecting, but i'm just scared it won't come together in the end. i still don't think i play a convincing medic... haha

when the doctor is sick, who the heck takes care of him?

so i think i have the flu. the reason i dismissed having the flu in the first place was because i gotten my flu shot at the beginning of the flu season. but i guess all the symptoms are there. maybe i have a different mutation of this year's flu. i couldn't go back to bed after i called in sick to work so i made myself some homemade chicken noodle soup. none of the cambells crap in a can for me. i can't remember if the old saying is "starve a cold and feed a fever" or the other way around. doesn't matter i've basically been stuffing my face and drinking lots and lots of juice and water.

i got a call from the ucsf admissions people and they still hadn't recieved my transcripts so i had to go fax them a copy to tide them over until my official ones come in. i went down to the "business center" of our apartment, but the stupid machine wasn't even working. walked down to the postal annex since i was planning to buy some juice and tissue at vons next door. i paid nearly 6 bucks for that freakin fax! what the hell? i could have drove home to fax my transcripts and with the long distance plus gas it still would have been cheaper.

bah... so my SARS seems to have mutated into allergies. running nose, itchy and watery eyes... don't really have a sore throat anymore, but my nose is raw from all the blowing and wiping.

blogging from the confines of my bed. my head hurts, my muscles aches, and i'm probably dehydrated. after going downtown to watch a play me and mayrin went to sav-on to buy some alleve and powerade. the very taste of powerade/gatorade lets me know i'm sick. in fact, just drinking it conjures up images of me with the stomach flu and that nasty feeling right before you throw up. but i drink it nevertheless because i'm prolly really dehydrated. one of the sorrows of living on your own is having to take care of yourself when you sick. =( anywho, i just popped 2 alleve and some cough medicine so hopefully i'll be able to sleep tonight.

bah.. it's official i'm sick and a full day of rehearsals isn't going to help me feel better. body aches and a sore throat. checked the medicine cabinet and i'm all out of tylenol. =(

pcc rehearsals again tonight. so sad. for my dance we never have the full set of people. always missing people here and there. bah. i ended up jetting after on of the coordinators watched us do a run through and said we were good. i didn't know were doing a whole dance run through later now. ehhh... i know my dance, just don't know about the others.

i had to drop off my car at home since my dad is going to get the tires changed on saturday. in exchange i'm driving my mom's camry. i was hoping i'd get to drive my dad's benz, but obviously that didn't happen. i'm dead tired so i'll update the rest of my day after i get some sleep. damn, looks like i'll only be getting one full REM cycle tonight.

so i'm sick. i woke this morning with a scratchy throat and a really hoarse voice... i called in sick to work today. i feel like staying in bed, but i know if i do that i'm just going to end up feeling even more shit. i think the sorry state of my room has something to do with the fact i feel like shit. i have a pile of laundry and shirts that need to be folded and ironed. i also have to come up with a workshop activity for APSA retreat by tonight. bah... going to wash up and try to clean up my room...

just finished washing my sheets... *sniffs*... why is it the smell of clean laundry just puts people at ease? my bed feels so nice right now... it's like i just got my cloud washed or something... haha...

today after work i decided to swim some laps since the weather has finally gotten to the point where i won't freeze when i get out of the pool. i ended up swimming for about a half hour and afterwards i was just mess. my heart rate was incredibly fast and my head was spinning. i didn't know what was wrong. my breathing was erratic too. i thought i was going to barf on my way back the apartment. i ended up passing out on my bed until it was time for the grad banquet meeting. now my sheets kinda smell like chlorine since i didn't shower right after the pool. =/... not good. i have this thing where i can't lie in my bed if i'm wearing my street clothes, only bedtime clothes are allowed to touch my bed. so before i passed out i just put on my bedtime shorts and passed out. i didn't know what was wrong with me though. i couldn't slow down my breathing and i think i feel asleep with my heart rate still racing. goes to show the sorry state of my health.

i checked my checking account.. i literally have no money. i put in 500 to cover my rent and the new balance in my account was 500. hahaha... i hate not having money. i'm so bad with it. it's not like i haven't been watching what i spend it's just that i have stupid debts i need to pay. if anyone wants to be my sugar momma or daddy and pay off my debts i'm sure we could work out something... ;P