bleh... i hate doing these personal statements for applications. it's so much easier to be eloquent in person than it is to spout wisdom via type... maybe it's just because i know what i say will have an affect on my future... here in blogspace i can type forever it seems. i'm getting that same feeling of apathy and boredom that only comes around midterms and finals week... funny thing is my friends are the ones who are in midterms not me. i'm done. now for a little something innane...

50 things about reggie...

1) I was born in Olongapo City, Philippines. My dad didn't get to see me until i was about a couple of months old since he was in the United States at the time.
2) I talk to myself while driving alone in the car.
3) I fold my toilet paper now... i used to scrunch it
4) back in high school i was addicted to IRC (internet relay chat)
5) my current on-line addiction is reading blogs
6) i have an extreme fear of failure and rejection.
7) related to #6, hence the reason i rarely play sports
8) i have never been in a longterm relationship
9) i used to want to be a raver
10) i also used to want to supe up my car to be a little asian racer guy
11) i didn't know what a B.S. stood for until the end of my 2nd year of college
12) i don't like being the center of attention, but i crave personal one-on-one attention
13) i always do the sign of the cross and touch the rosary in my car before i drive
14) i go to church every sunday, but don't really agree with the catholic church
15) it takes me forever to finish doing my laundry
16) when i'm sad i cry and when i'm mad i cry
17) i love jack in the box tacos even though i know they're crap
18) i've eaten mac and cheese less than 10 times in my lifetime
19) given the choice of jeans and boxers i'd probably buy the boxers
20) I've never had to spend the night in the hospital or go to the ER.
21) Ever since the drought that happened in southern cali back in the 80s i've always taken really short showers
22) i eat really fast. by the time i'm done with dinner my parents are just sitting down to the table
23) when i'm at home i only eat about 6 tablespoons of rice with my meal while the rest of my family always fills their plates
24) when i was young i thought eating too much could kill you. i overfed my goldfish
25) my mother is half chinese but doesn't know how to use chopsticks
26) i don't like getting my skin tanned
27) i used to want to a ninja. i used to practice my stealth moves on the roof of our house
28) i pluck the hairs inbetween my two eyebrows
29) i like hiphop but i don't like clubbing
30) i used to play the piccolo in high school
31) i never feared being alone until i realized that i was the only one amongst my friends w/o a significant other
32) i believe in finding one's soul mate
33) it takes me 30 minutes to fall asleep even when i'm dead tired
34) even if it's 80 degrees i still need to have my down comforter on top of me before i fall asleep
35) i can lucid dream
36) i think chinky eyes are damn sexy
37) my parents forced me to practice my handwriting and typing when i was little
38) i only talk in my sleep when i'm feeling anxious
39) i'm selfish when it comes to sharing stuff with my little bro, but i don't think twice when it comes to friends
40) my most "daring" piece of clothing is a leather cuff i bought from urban outfitters
41) if i'm home in the afternoon i like to watch Arthur and Zoom
42) i've traveled up the whole west coast into canada in a single trip
43) i can only play video games if it's with someone else otherwise i get bored easily
44) out of all the people i've randomly met on-line i have yet to meet one in person
45) i think kissing is an even more intimate exchange between two people than having sex is
46) i stretch every morning in bed after i wake up
47) i try to wash my car every week
48) i sometimes grind my teeth while i sleep
49) my parents once thought a midget at school was beating me up to do his homework
50) if i see something wrong i rarely point it out... ie. food in your teeth or your fly is down...

wow, that was a lot harder than i had thought... kinda fun though... a lot better than working on my applications =)

phew... found my camera... yeah i had it with me during rehearsal and yes i left it there... feeling sheepish now... jumped to all these weird conclusions...

day not going so well... can't seem to find my digital camera... i swear i brought it to rehearsal with me last night... it was in my backpack... i really hope i find it otherwise i'm assuming some bastard took it out of my backpack during practice... =/ so yeah, i ransacked my apartment and room trying to find it. no where... this isn't a good feeling...

Which Evangelion Child Are You?

today was just a long day... i woke up early because i had a breakfast date, but ended up cancelling because i wanted to sleep some more and it turned out my friend wasn't even up yet. ended up sleeping another two hours. it's those last bits of sleep when i get the most vivid and weird dreams. this one in particular is going to need a bit of analysis before i post it. had a long productive day at work. it turned out the work i did the day before, cataloging samples, was done in vain since i was working with the wrong set of boxes =/... so i had to go back to the morgue and do it all over again. afterwards i headed to the mall to buy my friend his bday gift and then got home in a enough time to check my e-mail and then catch the bus to campus for pcc practice. i like taking the shuttle from my apartment to school. makes me feel urban, like i'm back in new york.. hahaha.. had practice for two hours, then i was picked up by angeline to go downtown for our friend's bday dinner. we went to this persian restaurant in downtown which was incredibly hot. the heater must have been on or the air conditioning broke because i was constantly drinking water in order to keep myself cool. afterwards we headed over to jerry's place to play some games and eat birthday cake. so yeah, it's about 1:30am and i'm finally home. have practice again tomorrow and another bday dinner to attend to as well. anywho, just want to find the time to sit back and relax. i did get a call from a good friend of mine today which was an extra special treat. =) i plan to finish my post bacc apps by sunday. no ifs, ands, or buts...

the applications to ucla and ucsd are still sitting on my desk wondering when they'll be ready to leave... argh. i've been so busy and so lazy since the deadline is a month away, but i know the sooner i send them out the sooner i'll find out where i'll be next year. so yeah, i'll try to send them out by monday. so my trip to new york is up in the air... the possibility of receiving an interview while in new york is just too great for me to leave the west coast anytime soon. i wanted to go the last week of may or first week of june, but i know that'll be when all my schools will probably start calling me. too bad there is literally no time between my graduation ceremony and me leaving for where ever i'm suppose to end up.

so i've taken up this weird habit... i've started to brush my teeth while in bed. already my friend, angeline, thinks i'm lazy since i have an electric toothbrush... i didn't get the idea to brush my teeth while in bed by myself though, i remember seeing my wifey steph do it while sleeping over one night... makes sense though, gives me extra time for my body to get used to being up... hahaha... i'm still lying down, but i'm awake and brushing my teeth. talk about multitasking! not so weird though since i'm one of those people that likes to walk around while brushing my teeth anyway.

just about had the scare of my life... i received a call from the UCDavis admissions people about my post bacc application and while i'm talking to her in midsentence my cordless phone begins to emit that familiar beep which means it's about to die.... note: the battery in my cordless phone has been slowly dying since it's had one too many recharges and needs to be replaced... anywho, while she was talking to me about my transcripts i'm frantically trying to get to another phone... i pick up the phone's base unit, but can't hear a thing since my phone has a feature that prevents people from eavesdropping on your call if you're using the cordless unit... so while i'm trying to figure out how to turn it off and only half listening to the lady my phone dies... fuck! so i immediately scramble to find her number admist all my papers...i find her number and call her back, but the line is busy and sends me to straight to her voicemail. i leave a curt and polite voicemail apologizing for the phone incident and ask her to call me back ASAP. i sit at my desk agonizing for a call when i decide to just call her back myself. she picks up and we both laugh because she thought i was no longer interested in the program since i hung up on her and seemed like i wasn't paying attention on the phone eariler... anywho, good news i should find out if i get an interview by the first week in may.

today at work i actually felt productive... =) unfortunately most of my time was spent at the "freezer farm"... i call it the morgue. it's this building tucked in the corner of the healthcare campus where we keep all the old plasma, serum, and blood samples... it's just full of freezers as the name says... the atmosphere just reminds me of a morgue, the flickering lights and the low humming of a dozen freezers... there is even a freezer called a coffin freezer since the door flips up like a coffin... so yeah, i really hate going down there by myself. my imagination gets the best of myself... i think i've seen too many scary movies... had to inventory a whole freezer full of samples and was only able to get to 3% of the contents... i just realized i only have a couple of weeks left at the clinic... i still need to raise enough money to pay off my stupid gapcard and jcrew accounts... plus i was planning on going to new york before graduation. aiyah, i hate not having money...

oh yeah, so i got my blood drawn today... i was really nervous at first, which is strange since i'm normally not afraid of needles. but i figure i'll be doing this for a living so i sucked it up and watched as the nurse looked for a vein and stuck me with the needle... it was interesting to watch her draw my blood... yeah i'm a weirdo like that

skipped work today in the hopes that some work would build up for me to do... let's hope that my theory is correct...

monday monday monday

work today was incredibly slow... i spent most of my time surfing the internet and reading blogs. by the time 1 o'clock hit i was so bored i told my boss that there was nothing to do and that i would just see her and rest of the staff tomorrow morning... in thinking about the lack of work i've had this past week i think i'm going to take tomorrow off in the hopes that some type of work will build up so that at the very least i'll be kept busy for a full day next time i come back in. the APSA board meeting ran late as usual... i didn't get back till 1 this morning. =P so proud of myself though... when i got home i started a pot of rice and made myself a very decent dinner... seasame beef and steamed bak choy with oyster sauce... =)

with the prospect of not having work tomorrow i'm already planning out what i want to get done tomorrow... i need to finish my UCLA application, go to Marshall advising and find out when my degree will be posted to account, and then plan out the APSA general body meeting with the rest of the peanut gallery...

blah, the stupid N on my keyboard is peeling off slowly but surely.. it's now starting to look like the I key... i wonder if that's covered under my warranty? or if that's just part of the wear and tear of it?

just watched the matrix with the roomies and we came to the general concensus that keanu sounds just like zoolander

Happy Easter!

unlike more other catholic families, easter sunday doesn't really represent anything much... just a day for the family to dress up and go out to eat, but what's the difference between this sunday and any other sunday? nothing really. being away from my apartment from morning to night makes it feel like i've been away for ages. today i dabbled in more of the "manly arts"... hahaha... i checked my brakes today on my own. i'm trying to prevent myself from becoming a yuppie... i figure as long as i can work on my car on my own, that'll prevent me from totally falling into the suburbanian trap of yuppism...

last year when i was studying for the mcats and in general worrying about my future i developed a weird eye twitch... if you just looked at me you really wouldn't notice it... you'd have to really be in my face to see that my right lower eye lid was twitching, but still it was noticable... my first thought was that i had developed some weird type of neurological disorder and that my nerves were just randomly firing... i imagined myself degrading into a mass of twitching muscle later on down the line... after i let my imagination get the best of me i figured it was all merely caused by the stress of everything... after i finished the MCATs that annoying eye twitch disappeared. *phew*... however, with me working on my applications for post bacc programs the twitch is back... fucking great i thought... the funny thing is i didn't think i was under that much stress to begin with. in the interest of stopping the twitches i'm going to try and finish all my applications by today so i don't have to think about them anymore. scary thought for the future though, what will happen when i'm in med school and i'm constantly under stress? maybe a i little botox treatment to my eye lids would do the trick... hahaha

better luck tomorrow was awesome... highly recommend it =) i would describe it has the asian version of requiem for dream but not as dark...

what a difference a day off makes...

i was able to finish all my personal statements for the post bacc programs i'm applying to... actually it was a matter of cutting and pasting my first personal statement and editing it a bit... now all the thinking stuff for those applications are done..

in a bit of poetic irony i was driving to the coffee bean and noticed that a couple were pushing their car off to the side of the road... well, on my way back home to my apartment i saw that the tow truck had finally arrived... tthe ironic part... that the truck's hood was up, meaning he was out of comission just like the car he was trying to tow away...

the weather has been on the fritz here in san diego... this morning it was cloudy and rainy, get out for lunch it's so warm i go out in my polo shirt, and then come night time i'm back in my wool pea coat... the ucsd super computer/weather controling machine must have a virus of some sort...

watched face off with jasmine and adam tonight... the movie was classic john woo with the slow motion cinematography, white doves, and lots of action... the story in itself was a bit lame, but it was cool to see margaret cho...

just discovered a song by brian mcknight... the weird thing about it is that he's singing in tagalog... actually it's pretty good although he sings with an american accent so it's kinda hard to understand what he's trying to sing... from what i gathered he actually worked with a couple of big artists in the philippines...

work at the clinic has come to a standstill... at one point we were scrambling for staff since it was just 3 of us... now we have 6 people working in the lab! with the increase in staff and just the general slowness of the clinic this past week i've been thinking about putting in my 2 weeks sooner than expected... i mean, at the present moment it's nice to make money, but in that same token i would be nice to just be on vacation with nothing to do... anywho, the clinic this past week as just been incredibily slow... i find myself surfing the internet and reading blogs. it was so slow today that my boss suggested i take off early and take tomorrow off since there were only a handful of shceduled patients. she even gave two of the lab peple hour and a half lunches today =)

i know there was something i really wanted to blog about, but it escapes me at the moment... the plan of the day tomorrow is to sleep in and then send off my davis application after polishing it at the coffee bean.

bah... wireless internet is giving me and jasmine a headache... don't understand it... sometimes it works great and other times it's just a big pain in the butt... =P

the weather man says we can expect rain in the next couple of days... i'm praying it doesn't rain when i go up to LA this weekend... going to visit the Japanese National History Museum and possibly watch a friend perform in UCLA's Korean Culture Night...

as of late my wireless internet connection has been giving me and my roomie, jas, a headache... sometimes it works fine and other times it likes to be a little punk and not work... bah... the weather man said today it was going to rain again this week... i'm actually looking forward to it... give me a good reason to stay in doors and work on my applications...

with little fanfare i closed a chapter of my life today... i won't be returning to LA for the summer... for the past 3 years I've worked with Johns Hopkins University with their Center For Talented Youth Program (what a mouth full!) first as an RA and then just this past year one of the Health Assistants... i really can't speak highly enough of the program... really allowed to grow as an individual... it was the first time in my life i had lived away from home for an extended period of time and i've gained so many wonderful connections because of it... in fact, two of my favorite residents still talk to me on a regular basis. this summer i'm planning to start work on the reapplication process for med school which means no more CTY. came to the conclusion today that becoming a doctor is what i truly want to do and therefore i refuse to let anyone's opinions or my own fears stop me from doing it... i got my fire back! =)

wanted to see if colorgenics could accurately figure out how i was emotionally... some of the things it said were right on the balll...


You are trying to evade your problems and difficulties and tensions by 'leaping before you look'. This could be construed as a 'panic' situation and panic is an irrational fear - 'loss of control'. You are desperately seeking a way out of it all and because of any headstrong decisions that you may be making this could lead to an extremely dangerous situation. Slow down - matters seem to find a way of resolving themselves. Without sounding complacent remember that 'all's well that ends well'.

Being a somewhat gentle, emotional and sensitive person, you are at this time experiencing a considerable amount of tension. What you really need is someone who can be close to you and to listen to what you have to say.

You have a high opinion of yourself. It is perhaps because of this self-centeredness that you become exasperated when you feel that your needs are misinterpreted by those around you. When this happens - and it does quite often - you feel that there is no-one that can understand the way you feel and it is because of this egocentric self that you are quick to take offense.

You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.

The need for admiration and to be regarded as 'someone special' is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognized as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfill this 'complex' by ensuring you are the center of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be.

i spoke too soon... one more blog for the night...

latest developments in my applying for post bacc programs... i just sent off my UCI application and i'm currently set to finish my UCDavis one by tomorrow... hopefully... although the deadlines for all these programs are coming up i'm not as stressed as i was when i was doing my med school ones... that's a good thing.

i wonder if the extended warranty on my laptop applies to the keys... i just noticed that the N on my keyboard is starting to fall off... =/ or at least a part of it has already fallen off... i dunno if that's just petty, and i mean if it's going to take a week to get the problem fixed then i can probably wait or not even do anything... little details tend to bug me... that's why i always read the fine print of everything...

"life is in the details" -reggie tiong saldivar

3 blogs in one day... i believe that's a personal high...

tonight while driving home i noticed someone on a motorcycle who was dressed like a cop with the exception of one small detail... i know for a fact that cops don't wear sneakers while on patrol... i hope he wasn't one of those sick people that like to trick people into thinking he's a cop... i was thinking about following him in my car to see where he was going...

anywho, after talking to mis amigos i'm feeling much better in terms of my freaking moodiness... yup, back to normal... whatever that is worth... =P

as of late my emotions have been running the gauntlet... one moment i'll be content and the next my thoughts will be pre-occupied with my insecurities and worries... i recently said that i'd delegate my life to fate for the moment, but it's still hard... insomuch as i wanted to be a director not only because i found telling a story through film a beautiful process, i just liked having that control. control over my vision = control of my life. but as of late my emotions have taken hold and clouded my thinking. i've always looked at people who let their emotions get the best of them as illogical and incapable of putting everything into that big picture of life... instead, i'm in that position where i'm in a constant struggle between what my mind says and what my heart feels... waaaaahhhh... =( i'm also aware of the fact that i'm choosing to remain abiguious although i say i hate ambiguity...

long ass meeting this monday, but what's new?

if i was still in school i'd be pretty pissed, but since i don't have anymore homework so it's all good...

i hope that me being tired even though i took a nap this afternoon isn't a sign that i got mono from my co-worker... no, i didn't kiss her, but today was her first day back after being away for a week... didn't really spend time working with her, but everytime i went into the lab room i felt like her mono-germs were bombarding my face... this is all probably psychosomatic... i mean at one point while working at the clinic i was convinced i had gotten tuberculosis...

i don't really remember my weather science, but today it rained which may have explained why it was so hot last night... i really wish i had someone to play in the rain with... i was just thinking about how much fun it would be to play tag or even basketball in the rain... if i had my doggies with me i would prolly take them out into the rain to play... instead of going out to play i settled for walking slowly from my car to the supermarket while enjoying the spring time deluge... hopefully the rain will keep up until tonight...

it took me nearly a month, but i think i've finally come to terms with being rejected from my almost all my med schools... i tried to deny it at first. then i sought other ways of validating myself. even went as so far as to think of possible career changes in an effort to save myself from my own personal torment of not living up to the high standards i set for myself. this past weekend i dragged myself out of bed to attend a conference held by the UCI school of medicine... they were presenting their reapplicant postbacc program. at first i wasn't going to go... i had gotten in late from clubbing the night previous and i was sore. i figured what were they going to tell me that i didn't already know? but knowing that my own self confidence has led me wrong before i decided to go. i figured what does one lost saturday mean compared to the rest of my career? the conference was extremely small.. only about 19 people in attendance. it wasn't the size that mattered however... it was just listening to the speakers that really got me. for a long time this road to becoming a doctor was a lonely one. all my friends had decided that medicine wasn't for them and i was basically left to my own devices to figure out my life. lwhile everyone else is getting ready to join the real world and getting these awesome jobs with mucho money, i'm here investing thousands of dollars to go to school and investing even more in personal time... listening to these people who had gone through the postbacc program i kept thinking "wow, i thought i was the only one"... phil always asks me why the heck am i in such a hurry to get to med school and become a doctor? now i know it's not a matter of when i get there, but rather how... and the how is strictly up to me. i think i've led myself to believe that there was only one pathway to becoming a doctor... at the moment i'm currently taking path B instead of A... the road less traveled you would say. although not fully content i've definitely gotten my fire back...

making posters for a political cause wouldn't normally make my list of things to do or even things i would remotely enjoy doing, but tonight was just beyond what i could have expected... tonight in the SAAC lounge a bunch of the APSA heads went to it and made a grip load of posters for a campus political slate which we support... the energy and support of everyone was literally amazing... my faith in APSA and everything good it stands for has been restored. had the biggest smile on my face while working with everyone tonight. it's this type of support and fun that needs to be bottled up and shared with other members... it was that very feeling of purpose and belonging which initially got me hooked to APSA..

random thought: i think i'm slowly becoming what i've feared of becoming... the asian urban yuppie... the elite upper middle class who drive around in their BMWs and sleep in their $200 Ralph Lauren sheets... i already shop at j.crew...

work today was pretty much the same with the exception of my trip down to the freezers... we call it the freezer farm because it's this building that is just full of freezers.. all these freezers hold past specimens dating back from the early 90s. i always hate going down there by myself it reminds me too much of a morgue. i think with my active imagination i get scared easily as well. today was day two of retreiving samples. one of the freezers has so much frost that after about 30 minutes of hammering and chipping away i was still only part way through. i felt like i was making an ice sculpture! at one point i pretended i was on a search and rescue mission to save a group of tourist trapped in an alpine snowbank... at first it was easy to move out the frost, but as i moved deeper the frost turned to ice... i tried using the plastic chisel i had with me, but i accidently broke it while trying to hammer it into the ice... eventually i though, the temperature in the freezer began to rise and i had to stop working. looks like i'll be heading back to the farm again tomorrow...

i've said before that i feel like my life is somewhat in limbo... as of now i feel like my life is not only not moving forward but in fact i'm going in reverse... my plans for the future seemed to unraveled while what i had thought was a sure thing at the moment seems not that much closer... maybe this is all just post-graduation self doubt on my part... i think i should go back to swimming again... i started swimming when my grandfather passed away and it seemed to help me focus my thoughts... just waiting for the weather to heat up a little more... it's still too cold at night for me to resume my nighttime swims though... aiyah... i think i've said it before, but self doubt is a bitch...

click here to find out which asian action superstar you are!

You are Michelle Yeoh. You are a responsible, nurturing and caring person. you like the romantic side of life. whether it's by a british secret agent or a master swordsman. You like it all. You try and take care of the people you care about, but sometimes they dont take ur help too kindly. That's okay cause you got it all.

today while eating my lunch i opened my fortune cookie and was happily surprised at what i found... inside my fortune cookie read "follow the advice of your heart"... some of the best post-graduation advice i've heard in a long time...

the trip to vegas although two days past is still fresh in my mind... i really think our car got to be very close and the saying that "what happens in vegas stays in vegas" wasn't an understatement because we did some crazy stuff that i wouldn't want to reveal again... hahaha... good times though. i think i've become an official Cirque du Soliel fan for life... i know it's a bit pretentious to buy 100 dollar tickets to watch (in essence) just a circus, but honestly if you watch one Cirque show you'll know that it's far from being just a circus... soooo good. i'm planning to watch Verakai when it comes to LA and maybe even try to spot my favorite people from the Fire Within series...

the last quarter for most of my friends has finally begun.... for me, it's the beginning of an early summer vacation. although i don't have anymore school my schedule is still full with work and APSA related business. because my schedule is so busy my room has been paying the price... it is such a mess right now. clothes everywhere and papers all over my desk... i really should clean it up soon... i checked my grades and i passed all my classes so at the very least i know i'm officially done with school. =)

it feels like i haven't blogged in weeks, when in actuality it's only been a few days...

las vegas was incredible! it was the first time i had been to vegas with the watchful eye of my parents. i hadn't been back to the strip since high school so i had lots of fun walking through all the new hotels. my favorites were the bellagio and venitian... the mirage is also one of my favorites, an oldie but goodie... if there was one hotel where i had lost/gave them most of my money, it would have to be the bellagio... my second night there i parted with all my cash to pay for tickets to see "O" by cirque du soliel... it was so worth it... the show was incredible and my seats were awesome.... we got first row seats! row A, seats 1, 2... so close to the stage that it rained on us! =) anywho, i'm tired so i'll update my trip tomorrow...

the weather has changed for the better... it's cool and warm in the apartment. it's that nice prelude before that sticky heat that arrives with summer. two of the roomies have decided to head back home and the quiet is relaxing... it's a strange feeling to not have anything to worry about. sitting in front of the TV takes me back to the half-days of elementary school.

wow, could that lady who host's 30 minute meals be anymore peppier? it's almost downright annoying...

the sunny weather today was great. unfortunately, whenever the weather makes a change like that my allergies flare up. today at work i was just miserable. watery eyes, sneezing, and a scratchy throat... bleh.. the two benedryl didn't seem to work on me... =P

tonight i did something i haven't done in a while. i took a bath and soaked in the tub. it was like a throwback to childhood. it was around that time too, that california was experiencing a major drought and the bubble baths became more of a luxury than anything else... i can remember back when i was a little kid and my mom would fill up the tub and put in my He-Man bubble bath. hahaha... i can even remember what it looked and smelled like. it came in a purple tub about the size of a large play-doh jar and was slime green. the consistency was that of pudding and it smelled like green apple...

although i've been trying to save money for las vegas i couldn't help myself. i went to best buy today and got the newest linkin park cd, meteora... it's pretty good. i'm not much of a rock head, but just something about teen angst muisic that i enjoy. plus gotta support mike shinoda. =)

got together with the spring break crew to discuss what we wanted to during our vegas trip... looks like we're going to take a short road trip to visit the grand canyon...

tonight i finally got to watch "boowling for columbine"... i can see why it won for the best documentary... before seeing the film i thought it was a documentary on a fund raising event for the students of columbine high... haha... like people were bowling to raise money for columbine high... instead i got this awesome film about america's gun obsession and consumerism driven by fear.... the type of movie that really makes you think about american society and the misplaced fear people have of the unknown... i don't think i could do the film justice, but i highly recommend it. hence, another reason why i love indie films and hate hollywood trash.

the day after

went shopping in the morning with my mom. she bought me a featherbed which i had been wanting for a while... now it feels like i'm sleeping on a cloud... =) now that school is out of the way i'll have a lot more time to enjoy my bed...

today me and the roomies went to CompUSA to buy a wireless router for the apartment. since we all got laptops we figured it would be a good investment. also, they were having this midnight madness sale and they were only $30! i thought we were getting there pretty early but when we arrived at the parking lot we saw a long line of people just waiting to get inside... when we finally got in, there were no more wireless routers =( in fact there was this huge crowd of people just grabbing what thet could off the shelf... in fact, this crazy old guy had a shopping basket full of them and was trying to get people to pay him five bucks for one... his guy was just scary... the first thing i noticed was that he was foaming at the mouth... my roomie tried to get him to give us one, but he refused... anywho, we got really lucky because a guy overheard us being disappointed about not being able to get one and offers one to us since he learned that there was a limit of one per person... =) however, that wasn't our last encounter with old crazy guy, he happened to be in front of us in line and he was trying to get me to take another router off his hands... at one point he tried to get jasmine to buy one off him... such a freak.... now i know why i'm such a horrible bargainer... i can't hang with these kind of sales... people are so cuthroat... everyone is grabbing everything, people are screaming and in general it's just mad chaos... it was like, if we were in a natural emergency and needed to buy supplies... it was that stressful... in fact, while we were trying to find the router my adrenline level went up... after leaving the store i could tell i had put my body through a lot of stress since my muscles were all tense... anywho, now our apartment is fully connected... it's nice not being tethered to the ethernet cord anymore... now i'm sitting here in my super comfy bed on my wireless laptop typing out this blog. so glad i'm done with school...

unparalleled relief...

i'm done. that's right done with it all. no more registering for classes, no more midterms, no more studying till my eyes give out... i'm done! i'm still giddy from the feeling of walking out of my last final. it won't be official until my grades are posted, but at least now i can concentrate at the tasks at hand... planning out the rest of my life and planning out the best APSA grad banquet ever... tonight i'm going to try and finish the neon genesis series with angeline and then tomorrow my moms is taking me out shopping =) free clothes!

one last time...

approximately 30 minutes away from the last final in my undergraduate career... nervous anticipation is the best word to describe it... i'm sure the 2.5 hours it'll take to finish the exam will just fly by... *jumps up and down like rocky* i'm ready baby! bring it!

zero hour

in less that 10 hours it'll all be over... while falling asleep last night i started to reminicse about everything i've experienced within the past 4.6 years... what a trip! really funny how life changes... four years ago i probably would have told you that i'd be in my first year in medical school by now and i'd probably be as far from san diego as possible... going to study a bit, have breakfast with rachel, study some more and then take the last final of my undergrad career... i'm actually excited now. =)

woo hoo.. i'm going to be done with my undergraduate career in about ~15 hours!

the day of truth is today... my first final of finals week.. number 1 of 2. in approximately 48 hours my undergraduate career will be officially done! woo hoo... the only problem is, where do i go now? med school, grad school, postbacc, or join the work force? this point in my life seemed so much more concrete when i had planned it out 5 years ago. now that it's here it seems even more intangible... at the very least one thing is a given... i'm going to have a kick ass spring break with my homies in las vegas!

it was inevitable... i was late to see the director of the postbac program... luckily she agreed to see me after i called her. i was taken back a bit when i first saw her because over the phone i was expecting a staunch white southern woman. instead i got a short and very sweet black woman. we talked about my plans for medicine and what i needed to do in order to make it happen. for the first time i didn't feel like this administrator was trying to make the goal of medicine difficult, in fact after talking to her i felt a renewed sense of focus. we even talked about CRENO and i found out that she was the one that actually established the program in 1989... she was so sincere and it seemed that within the short amount of time we talked she really wanted to see me reach my goal. afterwards she even gave me a hug and told me that she wants to see me make it. i told her that i would try and she gave me a disapproved look at which i replied "sorry, i don't mean i'll try...i mean, i'll do it..."

3:30am tuesday of finals week

i left clics early since i didn't feel like i was gaining anything. when i go out tomorrow i'm going to leave my computer at home. i'll see how much more productive i can be without an internet connection in front of me. the end of the quarter is almost at hand. in about 7 hours i have a meeting with the director of the postbacc program i want to get into. nervous...

whenever i go to bed i don't see how many hours i get to sleep, but now i look at how REM cycles i'm going to get. i've been trying to regain my previous ability of lucid dreaming. the results thus far have been poor. still haven't managed to have a good lucid experience in a while. i used to be able to do it all the time too. anywho, tonight i'll be lucky if i get one good REM cycle in. good luck with finals!

1:36am tuesday of finals week

clics is still buzzing with people and i have yet to find my studying groove... one of those night where the more you read the less you know. fear is definitely settling into my system...

feeling a bit frustrated right now... my studying efforts don't seem to be working... my progress is slow and painful... i think i need to get to clics to get some real studying done, but i'm afraid of the large masses of people that are probably there... tomorrow is packed, breakfast with rachel, appointment with the director of the postbac program i want to do, office hours, studying for physio, and studying for my usp class... i used to think i thrived on this type of stress now it feels like it's just eating me up... in 4 days though, i'll be done... 4 more days, 4 more days, 4 more days!

i lost my last entry... first that's ever happened...

yesterday was only semi-productive, i tried to study at barnes and nobles but when i got there the place was just packed with people... the only tables left were the 3 small tables outside. since it was a nice and sunny day i decided to try and study outside. it was nice until the wind started to blow... was only able to stay outside and study for about 15 minutes. i just gave up and went back inside to do some browsing. the finals week crunch still hasn't hit me at full force... i'm sure by tomorrow it'll fully dawn upon me. the apartment has literally gone to shit with the dawn of finals week. i had cleaned the apartment a week before finals week and now it's just a big mess again. no one takes out the trash, the living has become our makeshift study area, the kitchen is just piled with dirty dishes, and my desk is just a mess of paperwork. hopefully after this madness we can do some spring cleaning...

i made an appointment to see the director of the postbac program at ucsd. i'm getting that same anxious feeling i got when i started to work on my applications for med school. i'm sure it's all in my head. i think i always go into meetings with administrators with a bit of apprehension and fear that they're out to get me. should really stop that. ever since i met with my pre med advisor a year ago i think i've gotten extremely cautious when it comes to my future and what the "professionals" have to say.

as subtle as a garlic sandwich...

for the past couple of weeks i've been questioning my faith and whether or not i was truly meant to be part of the medical community... last week i happened to meet some of the ladies who worked at the ucsd med school admission office... today i received an application for the med school's postbac program. it's basically a program designed to help students who want to reapply. i've read the letter and application nearly 10 times already contemplating the ramifications of applying... i think what's really holding me back is this fear i have of applying to the program and being rejected once again. after spending nearly a year getting my med school applications ready only to be rejected from most of my schools i don't think i have the emotional energy to apply to another program. for a time up until today i was ready to leave my dream of practicing medicine behind me and going for stable position in the world of clinical research. however, now more than ever i feel like fate is shaking me up and telling me i have to do this. funny how it decided to come right at the start of finals week. when i first got into college i had my whole life planned out and it worked out beautifully. i would say now that i'm at point where i have mixed feelings... i'm honestly very excited at having the opprotunity to be able to strengthen my application since i was planning to reapply anyway, but there's a small part of me that questions my ability to even make it that far. i'm scared.

today at work i came in late and felt like shit... although i know my boss never really scolds me i knew she was feeling like i wasn't pulling around my own weight... which was true since i spent the morning surifng the internet... she even pointed it out and said i should try to work on something else... instead of being the good little worker i usually am i took that as a challenge and got really defensive the rest of the day... in fact, in my head i kept thinking, "hey, in a week i'll have a degree that outweighs your little community college associates degree!" argh. bad reggie! something about obeying authority or being challenged that gets me all worked up... probably the reason i'm why i've always wanted to get an MD and now a PhD... it's like having those degrees entitles me automatic authority... i have a weird thing about being in control. jasmine says it's because i'm a first born child and so i'm used to getting everything done my way. i agree. i'm a spoiled boy that like to have things done my way and if anyone questions that i get extremely defensive.. anywho, now i can't help but feel weird about coming into work...no matter... going to leave it behind me since i'm only going to be there for a month and i want a good recommendation.

once again, it's that time of year which i hate and thrive upon... finals week is about to begin and i have a little less than a week to completely review all my materials and kick some ass on my finals. strange and surreal feeling... i know i'll be done, but without any definite plans i'm at an impasse. no longer do i have the security of classes or the stability of a steady paying job. instead what i have to look forward to is the end of my lease and the return to domestic life with my family... i'm sure the transition is going to be tough. at the very least i have my annual internship in los angeles to go to. post graduation life looms of the horizon. the what hell i'm i doing with my life?

today while walking to class i happened to run into the same lady from the med school admissions office. we chatted for a bit and she told me she replied to my e-mail request and that if i had any other questions feel free to e-mail or stop by... i'm really quite unsure how to take all of this... is this god's way of telling me i have a way in or simply receiving the validation i asked for... here's what she wrote in her reply to me after i asked her about a possible combined MD/PhD degree

Hello,

I enjoyed our conversation. We are always willing to help in any way. The Admissions Committee looks at these types of extracurricular activities:

Any work
Research
Community Outreach
Clinical
Leadership

and of course a shinning personality. Wish you possess, even when you are harrassed by 3 old ladies.:)



the question is what the hell i'm i supposed to do next... it's funny how when you first start college you have your whole life planned and it worked out wonderfully... now i feel like i have the pieces, but they aren't fitting together quite as well as i thought... i have all of those, minus any good research experience... hmmm... when the hell did i lose my passion for medicine? the thought of not fulfilling this dream i have and the expectations that others have for me is killing me inside...

the PCC Cast members have been selected... i hope i get a role...

the weekend just flew by... i'm sitting here in my bed typing this blog away... i love having a laptop, it lets me be as lazy as i want to be... alumni undergrad sports day was really fun... too bad i had to leave for PCC practice in the middle of it... didn't really get a chance to play any of the alum vs undergrad games, but i did manage to play a little tennis with ian, richard, and david... i have no ball control whatsoever... i'm either lobbing it over the fence or hitting it out of bounds... we couldn't even get a good rally going... in all though it was a good workout... my right forearm is all sore now.

anywho, back to talent show. throughout most of the set-up time i just wandered around PC ballroom with my backpack on observing everything and taking in the wonderful aura that APSA events just seem to generate. i was pretty useless during the day... just playing around and waiting patiently for skit's time to do tech... i managed to roughly learn the missy dance routine... hahahaha... that was funny, spent most of the time with my eye on Cat... the skit went well... we ended with the entire ballroom in silence... that was either a sign that the skit made them think or they just didn't understand what the hell we were trying to say. afterwards we headed to fridays cuz i was starving... i was so nervous i hardly had anything to eat after dim sum...

the day of truth arrived today... APSA talent show was so dope... props to ian and moneek for putting on an awesome talent show! so many things happened today and i'm too tired to commit them to digital memory for the time being... i'll just say that skit, dance routing, and everything else in general went beyond my expectations. =) so sore and tired... i think i should have worn knee pads during the dance routine... later today after i sleep is alumni/undergrad sports day... of course i'm rooting for the undergrad team.

talent show tonight!

i've always wondered what role fate and freewill played in our lives... does one have more bearing over the other? was it written even before i was born that i was destined to write this blog? or i'm i simply doing everything on the fly? i've always taken the road that life is balancing of the two. that we can deviate from fate as much as we want, but eventually we'll end up at certain checkpoints in life. right now i feel like i'm way off course. currently i'm in limbo, career wise... no job and no current sign of med school. today i think fate has decided to kick in...

while making my daily run to the medical school to drop off some blood samples i decided to swing by the campus box office to get talent show tickets... while waiting in line a group of 3 older women, who were obviously on their lunch break, were chatting up a storm. the person at the front of the line was taking an incredible amount of time so they happened to turn around and start a conversation with me. they asked me if i had ever heard of the foo fighters. they saw a sign on the box office window that foo fighter tickets were limited to two per student and assumed that the show must be that good since they were limiting the amount of tickets sold. after a little more idle chit chat one of the ladies happened to ask me if i wanted to go to medical school. i'm assuming she asked me because i was wearing my blue scrubs today. her friend chimed in that they worked in the admissions office at UCSD. my first reaction was "wow, you're the people that out rightly rejected me..". but they weren't the cold and uncaring people i had once envisioned them to be, they were actually quite pleasant and friendly. she asked when i was applying and i told her that i would be applying again in the summer. got a lot of good information from her and she even gave me a bit of info that could be to my advantage come reapplication time. anywho, she gave me her e-mail address and said i could e-mail her if i had any questions about the application process. after that encountered i was a mixed bag of emotions. happy that i happened to actually meet people from the admissions board, but sad that i still haven't heard from any of my med schools. i know i shouldn't feel like a failure, but that what i feel like at the moment. i know i've said this a million times before, but its like all the work i've done for 5 years doesn't amount to anything without validation... just want my schools to say "yes, we want you to become a doctor..." the question remains, do i have the money and will to try again? if i decide to do it again, i'm on my own... paying for another set of applications and possibly taking another mcat... either way i feel like my passion for medicine is waning... why the hell is it so hard for my med schools to see that i would make a pretty damn good doctor? i have the passion, i have the drive... at this point i can't help but feel as if everyone is moving on to bigger and greater things.

had an audition today for PCC cast.. i would say it went okay... i'm actually very excited about being part of the show... the script looks to be different from previous year's scripts and there's no singing... *phew*... i also finished editting our physiology project "speed 3: cardiac velocity".. it's very corny, cheesy, and full of nerdy bio humor.. hahaha

as of late my life as been moving pretty quickly... the end of my undergrad career is going to end regardless of what i do. when i went to check what my finals week schedule was like i couldn't log on with my computer... i realized that i really didn't remember my PIN, but only had it in my muscle memory and without a little keypad i couldn't just type it out using the row of numbers along the top of my keyboard. i had to look at my roomie's keyboard and see what my fingers were typing in. i'm determined to get a good night's rest before a full day of work... this weekend although full of fun i think is just going to stress me out...i have a whole quarter of physio i need to review and two books i need to finish reading for my US healthcare class...

talent show and alumni/undergrad sports day this weekend! i'm housing two alums at my apartment, terence and stephanie... this year the alums seem to be talking a lot of trash.. fortunately, i'm bringing plenty of extra bandaids and bengay for the old timers just in case... =P

today for physiology we worked on our video presentation... i captured all the video tonight and have been working on getting the sequences and timing right... it's coming along pretty good... if i can find the webspace then i'll post it up for everyone to watch... i almost forgot how much fun it was to edit and make my own movies. i can't wait till after this quarter is done and then i can finally get started on making my entry into the san diego asian film festival.

2 days till talent show! i'm really excited about skit not only because i helped to write and direct it, but to hear and see other people's reactions to it. it's very different from what i think the regular APSA people are used to so it should be a good kinda of change. i mixture of art and politcal commentary is the best way to describe it. if you're free this saturday come out an support local talent at UCSD's APSA Talent Show... doors open @ 6pm... tickets are only $9 at the door or $6 presale...

beyond the one dance i'm doing for PCC i also want to be in the cast so tonight i'll be auditioning for a prinical role in PCC... . with apsa skit and our video presentation i've slowly been acquiring a taste for acting... i like it... may i have some more?

picture of the day

expressions!

talent show is this satuday. i'm pretty excited about the skit. it's going to be pretty powerful if it all goes according to plan.

went home today to see my parents and grab the video camera. my physiology group is making a video presentation for our project. we're doing a parody of "speed"... we have to keep the frog's heart rate above 50 beats per minute or a bomb will go off...

i can tell these last two weeks of the quarter are going to be intense... projects, presentations, and finals...

tonight i was actually able to catch an episode of korean music video heaven. i haven't been able to watch any new videos for a couple of months now... the host looks like my friend jane... for about 2 years now i've had the idea of sending her a letter with a picture of jane included with my video request.

only 2 more weeks left!

i've still yet to experience that feeling of accomplishment. i still feel like after spring break i'll be going back to class... or even this is just one long summer break... instead though, i'm done with school. there's nothing after this quarter. i've started my job search if med school falls through and i have one possible lead at UCLA School of Medicine doing research. i'm a bit excited about the prospect of working in LA and starting a brand new life. i'm a bit scared about the salary though since i do want to live comfortably. then again though, everyone needs to pay their dues and maybe this is my time.

with only two weeks left and the possibility of leaving SD sooner than i had expected i've decided to just try and absorb as much as my friends as possible. i could have been stuck in the library all night last night, but instead i went to fridays to eat half priced appetizers. good times. =)

finals week must be coming up soon because i have this insatiable need to organize and clean my room. it's those final week vibes i'm getting... so nice to think this will be my last finals week as an undergad. =)

tonight we had a roomie dinner at Mayrin's new restaurant, Cafe de Thai... her mom makes the best Mee Krob... one of my favorite Thai dishes =) such a nice place too... all the tables and chairs were imported from Thailand! in a prime location too... everyone should come out and support... it's literally in the smack middle of white town, Poway... which means no asian restaurants to compete for a 5 mile radius... they have a monopoly on the Thai food there... haha...

i just sent in an appeal for a parking ticket i got at school last week... at first i was just going to pay it, but then realized that the regents have enough of my money...

my fears, for now, have been put to rest... PCC practice was today and even though at the beginning i thought i wouldn't know anyone there i did manage to see a couple of friendly and familiar faces which made it a little easier. honestly, i'm pretty excited about finally being a part of PCC instead of just a passive audience member. this thursday i'll be auditioning for a role in the cast as a principal character. a bit apprehensive because historically the leads sing a song... contrary to the popular belief that all filipinos are good at singing and dancing i'm not... at least not good at singing... i don't even sing the shower. hopefully we'll be able to work around that little technicality if the part requires singing... anywho, i'm off to see my friend's new thai restaurant... =d mmmmmmmmmm... sarap!

wow, 2 more weeks of class and then finals week. can't believe my undergrad career is coming to an end. at least at this point i'm ready to leave.

tonight me and friends played the game of life. so funny. i don't remember that game being so complicated. they should really market toward the college student set versus the 9 and above age group. so many things to consider during that game. do i want a career or go to college first? in this case since we're all college students we all went the college track. then on top of that have to worry about buying car insurance, buying a home, getting insurance for that home, and then getting married. don't forget the kids... to make it more realistic though, they shouldn't make the marriage part of the game so heterocentric. or even require it. hell, what if someone wanted to be single for the rest of their life? anywho, me and my wifey agnes ended up winning the game with a grand total worth of $1,340,000... if only the game of life mirrored the actual thing. so simple, having kids made of colorful plastic and you get to easily select a career...

in my inbox today... i find more of the same, junk mail... this time i find something that piques my interest... "stop spammers in their tracks". just thought it was assuming that they're advertising a way to stop spam when they themselves are guilty of it too... that reminds me of a message on the answering machine we got around the time we all moved in. when i find the time i'll try to post it up somewhere, but it was just the funniest thing... imagine a telemarketer with a heavy canadian accent on our answering machine trying to sell us some product that will stop telemarketer's calls. a bit self-defeating i think.

my friday went by in such a blur... i don't even remember going to work this morning... took my little bro and his friends to see Rex Navarette at SDSU... for those of you who don't know rex is, he's a filipino american stand-up comic... so funny! it was nice to be able to listen to him speak about the filipino american experience and put a humorous spin on it. in general i think fil-ams as a group are good at finding the humor within themselves... whether it be poking fun at our grasp at the english language or just the way filipino parents are, it was just very nice to be in touch with that side of my identity. as of late i've been trying harder to get in touch with my "filipiness"... i added another new year's resolution to my list, be able to speak fluent tagalog with my relatives... today i told my mom that i would only speak back in tagalog... looks like for the next couple of months i'll only be able to answer yes or no questions.

i've also started another personal journal... this one however won't be posted on the web. i've come to the realization although i'm pretty candid with my thoughts i still feel like i'm missing something by my own self censorship. hence the need for another outlet for me one in which i won't be afraid to write what i feel. i started writing in it last night and afterwards i was able to sleep almost immediately... just helped me to relax and to get all my worries out.

the daunting task of pcc practices looms over the distance... right now i'm thinking, "what the heck did i sign myself up for?"..the amount of practices are just ridiculus... on top of that i want to be in the cast... hmmmmm... not so much scared about the dancing and acting but my whole dynamic with these people... for some odd reason i don't seem to get along with filipinos very well... or at least that's what i perceive... i don't feel as if i'm "filipino" enough to be part of kaibigan pilipino... as a whole i dunno if i'm intimidated by them or what... but i just feel like i don't fit this preconceived notion of what it is to be filipino... maybe this is all in my head...

returned to my second home, clics, to try and get some studying done... thus far i've only managed to cover one thing... ahhh well, at the very least being here at the library i feel more productive... hmmm... should i have gone to pb bar and grill with everyone else? can't help but feel a bit dettached... plenty of opprotunities next quarter when i'm done with school... found out that my job will be able to keep me for a month after my graduation... after that i'll be mooching off my parents once again until i return to LA...

i forgot to put a link up to that funny blog entry so here it is in all it's painfully funny glory

http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=keara507&itemid=87595&nc=31

anywho, today was masa and apsa's iron chef competition... yes i won... but no i don't have my trophy, yet... long ass stupid 5th grade drama story... but i'm not mad, i had lots of fun cooking for the judges and my helpers were awesome...

talent show is a week away and i'm looking forward to skit... looks like we're going to do everything live instead of an audio recording... a bit risky, but if everyone learns their lines it should work out incredibly well... i'm definitely old... i can't sleep 5 hours like i used to and still function normally... luckily tomorrow is my half day at work... i had so many deep thoughts running through my head during the day, but now sitting in front of my computer i'm a bit at a loss for words... i got my digital prints today in the mail... they look incredible... so glad i bought i digital camera... i feel as if my new years resolutions are falling apart... i haven't been keeping up with my gym schedule like i did at the beginning of the year and my checkbook has yet to be balanced... however, i'm still not giving up.. i'm going to start going back tomorrow, since now all my ish is done with... start getting back to focusing on myself... in search of a little me time...

during my expansive journies across the blogger kingdom i'm rarely moved to share or link some of the things i've read... however, as a fellow blogger so aptly put... this entry is just so "i know i shouldn't be laughing" funny... here's the preface... the girl finds a love note left for someone else and hilarity ensues... the comments i think are just as funny as the actual note itself...

lab got out incredibly early... literally took 15 mins to perform the lab... more time was spent explaining it than executing it... tried out one of the recipes i'm going to use for the iron chef competition this wednesday... tastes awesome... that trophy is mine! hahahaha... not really not concerned with trophy more or less just wanting to making some great tasting food for other ppl to taste...

currently i'm watching some cheezy filipino dramas on tv... really grateful for the fact i can totally understand what's going on, but sad that i can't really effectively communicate in tagalog... on thinking about my idnetity and what it means to be filipino recently came the observation that when asians are tan they are filipino but when they're light and pal they're chinese... take for instance my friends cat and victor... cat is always mistaken as being chinese while victor is always mistaken for being filipino... and this is all on the basis of their tans... i guess it would make sense since chinese and filipinos make up the largest percentages of asians in american... since we're on the subject i think for a long time i've been trying to figure out where i belong in the whole asian american spectrum... for some odd reason people don't seem to equate filipino with being asian, but rather as being a pacific islander... however, in the philippines if you were to ask someone from the street if they considered themselves asian or pacific islander they'd most likely associate with being asian... i think this all goes back to the tan... for the most part we've equated asian as being fair skinned and chinky eyes... i think i'm also guilty of this narrow minded vision of what it means to asian... it also didn't help that whenever my aunt came to visit me from the philippines she would alway comment on how dark i was and that i needed to buy some skin whitening soap... anywho, i guess my whole search for what it means to be filipino and asian american led me to APSA... just being a part of this group of individuals who are also trying to define what it means to be asian american is awesome... can't properly describe the gratitidue i have for this organization... yes, i'm still struggling with what it means to be filipino and asian american, but i think i've finally started to like the skin i'm in... in fact, i just finished my last bar of soap from the philippines yesterday...

perhaps one of my greatest fears, besides not becoming successful in life, is that of becoming old... not in the sense of gaining more responsiblity, but in the whole aging process... ie. losing my teeth and hair... yesterday i had another one of my aging dreams... this time instead of my teeth it was my hair... i was putting gel into my hair when i realized that i had a huge bald spot in the middle of my head... before i could panic i woke up... i think maybe some of the root of this problem is maybe this fear i have of not being accepted or that desire i have to feel loved and cherished... all of which i think comes down to my whole outward appearance... it's a sad fact of life that you're judged by how you look and i fear that if i growup to look bald and toothless i'll just be depressed for the rest of my life... speaking of which the stress of these past weeks have been taking there toll on me... i've skipped the gym for a week and i've broken out so too many times to count... bleh... not feeling cute at all... which is something i hate to admit not because i like being a narcissist, but because i feel like people who are overly conerned with their looks are just shallow and i'd hate to admit that about myself... one of those times when i just need some confirmation... will someone just tell me that i'm cute? then i'll feel much better about myself... hahaha... okie that's enough...

it's 3:40am, sunday morning... almost done with my lab report... working on the figures now... that'll probably take another 2 hours to complete since they're so time consuming and i don't have a mouse for my laptop... it's very nice to able to take my computer with me where ever i go, but it sucks when it comes to working with excel and making charts since that little touch pad isn't as dexterious as having a mouse... bleh...

as of late i've be indiscriminately spending my money... i really should keep track of my expenses in my little checkbook... so hard though... it was so much easier for me to not spend anything when i thought i didn't have any money... now with something in my back account i feel the need to spend it... i'm such a horrible saver... at the very least i made some good progress on paying off my credit card debit... with any luck by the end of the summer i'll be free from my plastic woes...

talking with a friend about future plans i mentioned briefly that there would be a biotech company making a presentation about possible openings on monday at the career center... anywho, using my med school research skills i immediately went to the companies website to see if they had any open positions in LA... nothing in LA, but their main operations are in irvine which is just far away enough from home to make me happy... perhaps this is another one of god's divine signs to me... on the plus side housing in irvine is cheap... plus it's close to disneyland =)

i'm going to call it a night and work on the those figures after i get some rest...

during the time i should have been working on my lab reports i decided to return to my former obsession with reading random people's blogs... for the most part i just hop onto a blog and then make my random jumps... there are actually a couple of stranger's blogs that i've bookmarked either because i thought they were cute in their picture or because they have interesting things to say... most of my bookmarked blogs belong to the later... anywho, starting from one of my random bookmarked blogs i magically ended up at the blog of michael tea.. i guess the cool part about this was after literally reading about 25 blogs and just taking random links i somehow was able to get connected back to myself... 25 degrees of separation? i read a stat some where that every webpage on the web is within 10 degrees of separation of each other... interesting, no?

anywho, i think i've written enough about my weird voyeuristic blogger tendencies for the year...

currently: forcing myself to sit and type out my lab reports... my progress thus far has been minimal... faackkkk...

currently trying to finish my sassy girl on my laptop... the person who captured it did it in the weirdest format... won't let me fast forward or reverse so if i stop the movie halfway through i'll have to watch the whole thing over again to get to my place... hmmm...(sidenote: the speakers on my laptop aren't that great, but the advertised "sonopur" digital audio system makes everything sound awesome when i plug in my headphone or speakers!) this will prolly take a couple of days then since i rarely have enough time to just sit and watch a movie...the exception was tonight however... i had the full intention of just staying at home to finish my homework... but my roomie asked if i wanted to see daredevil and since we rarely spend time to together i figure it would be okay to take a small study break...

we watched daredevil... the only part that i got excited about was seeing the xmen trailer right before the movie... other that that it totally blew... i know for the movies you're supposed to suspend your belief, buit i just couldn't believe ben affleck as a super hero... let alone a blind one... the fighting scenes were uninspired hong kong wannabe crap... the highlight of the actual film was that it was set in new york and it reminded me of my previous trip over winter break...

as of late, i've been missing appointments left and right... i was supposed to meet mikey for dinner on thursday, but forgot... then today i forgot to make it to the talent show fun committee picture taking meeting... i guess now is the time i should install my palm pilot software onto my laptop and sync it up...

so much to do this weekend and i want to get it all done... just a matter of where i should start...

today at work it's really slow... i thought i had a giant project to complete today, but i guess i finished it last week... it took me literally an hour to realize the samples i was searching for in the freezer had already been logged in... guess i'll go over to coffee bean and grab a sunrise...

coming to the scary realization that i'm going to be stuck in the library this whole weekend... =/.... i should have finished my labs when i thought they were due last week... honestly don't know when i'll be able to get anything done this weekend... going to take pictures on saturday, mah jong night, and then going to be gone for most of the day on sunday with angeline... bah... stress level rising...

currently watching my sassy girl... funny thing is i don't understand korean and the subtitles are in chinese... i read chinese so slow and i can only understand a couple of words... so in either language i can only guess what's going on linguistically... i can understand a little bit of the plot and thus far it's a really funny and cute movie...

had skit practice today and i'm incredibly pleased with it thus far... i even got goosebumps when i heard it... for the longest time i thought it was pretty cheesy and the spoken word just way too simple... after listening to it though i'm really excited about it... can't wait to do the audio recording of it...

here's the scene: me in the library at one of the computer stations but with two computers... i hate the fact that i have to grab my lab data from a mac and then type it onto my computer... so here i am switching my glaze from one computer to another and every so often trying to control the cursor on my computer with the mouse from the mac and then trying to type something on the mac with the keyboard on my computer... hahaha... i felt like such a nerd... even more so trying to do homework on two computers...

still waiting for ucla and usc to get back to me... the wait is incredibly painful... can't decide whether or not it's a good thing that they're making me wait for so long...

almost 2 months into the new year and i've only now been able to leave last year's hostilities and anger behind me... felt good to finally get out what was eating me up inside... feeling a lot happier now...more content with where i am...my love for APSA has definitely been renewed...

my 3 day weekend has unfortunately come to an end.. this week will definitely be my bitch week... full of meetings, homework, social engagements, grad banquet planning and prolly some other shit i failed to put into my palm pilot... =T

today we celebrated Jane's 23rd birthday... nice and small affair at her apartment... one of the gifts which i really liked was this glass picture frame that had a picture of me, angeline, sonnier, mikey, jane, and hai from APSA grad banquet 3 years ago... we look so young... brought back a lot of memories and made me realize that this quarter this steadily coming to an end... torn between finishing strong and just finishing... my senioritis has become terminal i think... extremely grateful though for having had the opprotunity to experience everything i did in college... now just a matter of seeing where i'll end up come fall... unlike my friend ethel, i don't have a high tolerance for ambiguity... it's just hard for me to accept the fact that my role in life has still yet to be established... hard for me to sit back and enjoy when i don't know where i'll eventually end up...

once again i'm not getting to bed till 2 in the morning... need to get back to my regular eating, sleeping, studying, and gymming schedule... need to reaffirm my new years resolutions... argh, the kitchen once again looks like crap... i dunno how many times i've cleaned that place... the funny thing is, i haven't cooked there in about a month...

going home for the weekend is always nice, but coming back to my bed and broadband connection is even better... besides the fact i don't really have a room when i come back home another reason why i really don't particularly like being at home is the lack of a good fast internet connection... besides my cell phone, having a fast internet connection is another one of modern life's necessities... recently i my dad discovered the wonders of burning your own cds and without a high speed internet connection he seeing first hand how dial-up really sucks...hopefully i was able to convince him to upgrade to a broadband connection... how sad it is that my life is totally controlled by technology? my friend bob the other day said she could see my house in the future as coming straight out of the sharper image catalog. to some extent i agree although as a whole most of the stuff they have in there is just overly priced cheap silver colored plastic brik-a-brak..

been staring at my computer screen for the last 3 hours trying in vain to finish up this paper i have for my US healthcare class... i'm actually torn between two ideologies... i'm taking this class pass/no pass and so in essence i can get a C on this paper and be fine... then again I think I wouldn't be very happy with myself if i let myself settle... the whole reason i took this class pnp was so that i wouldn't have to worry about grades my final quarter at UCSD... so now my computer sits in my lap generating heat as i aimlessly tap at the keyboard in the hopes a paper of mediocre quality will spew forth... funny how when i actually give myself a break i don't really take it... i could literally hammer out this paper in a little less than an hour, but i'm beating myself up over trying to write an A caliber paper... what the heck is wrong with me?

post valentine's day...

spent the night with my friend's angeline and sonnier to possibly find valentines before the day was officially over... no such luck, either way i had a fun time kickin' it with them. later that evening rachel and tina joined us. we actually found midget town... it was uneventful, i think the stories we were talking about were much more fascinating... for those not in the know, in san diego there is rumor of a small community of midgets, small people, who live in the affluent community of la jolla... everything about this community has been downsized in order to help them... smaller doors, smaller windows, everything about their property is made smaller just for them... for years i've heard the stories of how to get to this town... have to cross 2 bridges, but if you cross a third you'll disappear... or if you take pictures the midgets will come out and shoot you. so many weird and fascinating stories... let me just say, not that great of a place... looks like ordinary houses... i was more impressed at all the mansions on the mountain than anything else... when i make my first million i'm buying a house on mt. soledad... anywho, i've finally found a subject for my film for the SD asian american film festival... going to be a documentary on the urban legends of midget town and i'm also going to ride with a couple of people as they try to find the town... should be very funny and interesting... only worrying about the possible backlash from the asian little poeple community... still though it should be interesting...

valentines day is today... kinda weird... never really cared much for the holiday or even dwelled on the fact that i'm single (on this day or any other day for that matter)... was always content with the fact i have enough love from friends to keep me going... tonight my roomies, all of whom are attached, are busily working on their valentine's day gifts... it's really sweet to see the effort they're putting into their gifts... can't help but feel like i'm lefft out of the loop.. like there's some secret club i'm not a part of... for a long time i considered myself a good catch... i'm cute, have white straight teeth, smart, funny, can cook, and will someday be a rich doctor... my parents a couple of months ago during a family party were introducing me and my younger brother to the aunts and uncles... the obligatory question of whether or not i had a girlfriend came up... my mom was quick to say in tagalog "oh no, he's the good one, likes to study... my younger son, he's the playboy..." in my family apparently there is a gene from my dad's side of the family that causes "playboyism"... i guess my genetic hand wasn't dealt that card... sometime i think that i was meant to be tragically alone... young, wealthly and rich, but alone... i'm done with my single sob story...

plans for the weekend in the bay area fell through... could have called it though... =T... kinda works out i guess, the time i would've have spent in the bay i can spend on my many other projects that require my attention... at least now i can go shopping for steffie's bday gift... pottery barn, j.crfew, banana republic... the question now is, what store should i go to first?

its been raining most of the day. it was just one of those days when ust want to get into your sweats,bundle up in your blanket, and just chill in front of the tv... perfect day to make a couch cushion fort... maybe i'll do that this weekend... dunno if i'll fit inside of it, but could at least give it a try... too bad i don't got any playmates to invite over...

my roomie jaz must have been reading my mind when she invited me to go out to eat... literally the other day i was driving around town thinking about how i would like to have dinner with her just to talk... so perfect. it's funny how much we have so much in common in terms of mentality about a lot of things like raising kids or even where we want to live when we grow up. nice to know i'm not the only one who doesn't like ambiguity.

my thoughts as of late have been really incoherent... blogging from one subject to another.... prolly reflective of my current state... jumping from one project to another... don't have the time to focus on one thing and finish it completely... i'll work on one thing and then stop and then work on another... can't be good...

once again another night spent trying to finish up homework... no good in that respect, but i did manage to finally read all my research materials for the paper i'm supposed to write... at least now i have a sense of what direction my paper should go. staying up till 2 in the morning brings me back to the days when i first moved out of my house. felt like if i went to bed i'd be missing something. i guess this time around it's because of my new laptop. feel this incredible need to work and play on it. not only because it's just so cool, but i don't want my parents (and myself) to feel the purchase was made in vain. working with the mentality that if i got it, use it.

today i thought about whether or not to accept an offer to work in the LA for the summer... again, it's a matter of what happens with med schools... the terrible feeling of being in limbo won't leave until i find out what's my status with my schools... in terms of working in LA for the summer it was fun and incredibly stressful... i was on call 24 hours a day with the health and well-being of 400 students constantly in the back of my head... it was hard for me to leave campus, even for lunch, because i was afraid some kid would break his arm or go into anaphylatic shock because he decided to eat a strange berry on a dare.. i couldn't even enjoy my afternoon off in little tokyo because i was afraid of getting paged back to campus. this summer they're adding about 150 more students to the mix and this students are a lot younger, which means possibly even more boo-boos to go around. my desire for power though seems to be beckoning me to work in LA because it seems that i would have seniority over the other possible health staffers since ppl rarely return to health assistant position in LA... not to say that i would want to institute a heirarchy, it would just be nice to be able to set up the health office according to what i want since last time around i was simply following the other health assistant's lead. then again there are those parents i would have to deal with. sick kids are okay, parents of sick kids are not fun. i was once yelled at for not taking a student the ER fas enough when it was clearly the parent's fault for not signing all the forms that allowed me to take him there in the first place. either way money talks and right now i'm in the mood to listen.

return of the all nighters

tonight the apartment seems to be alive with a certain type of energy... all the roomies are up busily studying or typing out papers... it must be midterms week... i'm also up late working to finish up a lab report and research paper before i leave for the bay this weekend. so far i haven't had much progress on either...=t... tomorrow i definitely must finish at least one of my assignments otherwise i'm just screwed...

today in my e-mail inbox i received word about where i would be spending my summer... would i be working in LA like i have been for the past 3 summers or would i be in hawaii for a change of pace? well, looks like southern california is calling cuz i'll once again be spending my summer break in LA working for johns hopkins... i'm actually not disappointed... although this past summer was hell i think i really enjoyed the structure... this time around i vow to make more time to relax and hang out with ben and eric if they get called back to LA as well... i'm wondering now, how many people will be on the health staff and whether or not i have the most seniority over them. hehehe... i think i'm a bit of a power freak.

either my hormones are all crazy because of my irregular workout schedule or i'm extremely sressed out from not hearing from my med schools because i've totally broken out... bleh... either way i'm not feeling as cute i used to...

i returned to my old haunts armed with my wireless laptop in the hopes that i would be able to get some homework done... no such luck... i'm chatting and blogging away when i should be typing up a paper on the effectiveness of community clinics... need to put my early graduation present to use...

hello new friend!

just got my new laptop computer... it's kinda weird to be on a new computer, miss my old vaio a bit... still getting used to the little quirks of a notebook... the touchpad is a bit weird and i think i'm going to invest in a mouse instead... although it's not the fujitsu that i had i my eye on it is still pretty damn sweet... if apple made a PC version of their new powerbook that's what my computer would be... spent most of the night installing my old documents and programs so i didn't get a chance to finish typing up my lab report, talent show skit, and reserach paper like i had planned... oh well, tomorrow i'll have more time to play with my new toy =)

it's very weird this relationship i have with my dad... for as long as i can remember, we've never been close. the way he shows his love for me is through money. which would explain why i'm a bit materialistic, i've equated love with money... today for instance we went to frys to buy the laptop i had originally wanted, but since it wasn't there we decided to look around and see if there was anything else that i would like... we literally drove to every computer store in san diego looking for something that i would be happy with. throughout our tour of san diego's freeways, we remained silent... fast forward to best buy and i see a computer i like, but it's just way too expensive for me to ask for it. my dad cooly asks if that's the one i want... i say maybe... in the end though he ends buying it for me regardless of the price... my parents literally spoil me rotten and i just hope one day in the future i'll be able to do the same...

so much for completing my list of things to-do... =t

something i remembered from the evoke performance that i thought was weird... for some odd reason, seeing ppl eat paper makes me nauseous... so much so that it makes me gag... that type of gagging where you're trying to hold it in or you'll vomit... while watching the performers eat pieces of paper (they weren't really even eating it. they were just chewing on it) i was literally tearing up trying to hold in my disgust... what made it worse was that it wasn't just one piece of paper, they just kept putting in pieces of paper into their mouths... right now, just thinking about it i'm getting that weird sensation in the back of my throat... i guess maybe i can just imagine the paper hitting the back of my throat and causing a gag reflex... so weird. i was thinking about it on the way to my car and i was disgusted at the thought if ppl eating pieces of paper i started to cough... the kicker of all this is that i can handle blood and guts, but have someone eating a piece of lined paper and i'll go running in the opposite direction.

life in general has been in a state of limbo... not quite living but not nearly dead... this is it folks, the final push before my undergrad career comes to an end... the goal is to finish a 10 page research paper, a 10 minute skit, and 2 lab reports so i can fully enjoy my mini vacation in the bay... then after that it's smooth sailing...

just got back from an extra long day which began with work at the clinic and ended with dinner at bennigans... in between i managed to finish the paperwork for grad banquet funding, start an outline for my research paper, contacted some community clinics, called hotels, and went to watch evoke dance troope in the gaslamp... the show we saw was "rebel women"... the director called it a docu-dance... some of it was simply awesome and other times i thought "why the heck did i go to this?"... in general i think the audience was receptive to what the group was trying to portray... a comment was made about how san diego really needs a theater district... i totally agree. our downtown is weak... no culture. absolutely none... what happens when you bring culture to san diego? ppl walk out of the theater because it's strange and they don't understand it... after intermission i would say about 30% of the audience had left... so sad...

today i was the poster boy for j.crew... went in today to look for gifts for friends and myself and while i was paying for my purchases the cashier recognized my coat and oxford shirt... looking through the catalog all i could see was my friend steph... would see a khaki skirt and steph would be in it... a pink ladies polo shirt, steph was wearing it... hahaha... it's funny how you can walk into a store and picture your friends that would be shopping there...

forgot how addiciting it is to download stuff... spent most of the night crossing off songs from my "download list"... only a couple of new songs since i think most of the r&b and hip-hop on the radio now is crap... i fear that i may be losing touch with my ghetto-self... i was listening to the radio and the accoustic mix of "thug mansion" came on, i seriously could not stop laughing at how retarded the song was... who the heck comes up with this stuff? like there's really a mansion where thugs go when they die since heaven ain't made for them... hahahaha... besides that crap on the radio, nobody seems to be writing their own material anymore... it's all cover songs of old classics...

about time for me to start reorganizing my desk again... old mail and the remains from my trip to new york still are strewn about my desk... even with the all the horrible stuff to happen this week, my parents made me a very happy boy by giving me the go ahead to buy the laptop that ii've been eyeing for a while... it'll be my graduation gift... =) as hai told me last night, in regards to feeling absolutely shitty, "don't worry, once you get your new toy, you'll forget about all the horrible stuff..." as much as i hate to admit it, she was right... just the thought of getting a brand new laptop makes me happy... if you wanna check it out go to the fujitsu website... i'm getting the top-of-the-line c-series... hehehe... so exciting, wireless internet and a dvd-writer... that's probably the best thing about it... turn all my friend's episodes from kazaa into dvds... hahahaha... my good ol' vaio is getting a new home back with my little bro... what a waste... doesn't even have a cable modem... =T...

anywho, as for my future, i'm still waiting... i've started to send out my resume to companies in LA and the Bay just in case things fall through with school... at least then i'll have a plan... i told my parents either way, i'm going to become a doctor... now, it's either going to be reggie saldivar m.d. or reggie saldivar ph.d., either way, dr. saldivar has a wonderful ring to it... just a matter of time my friends... special thanks to angeline, adam, jasmine, cat, nelly, mikey, caroline, and jed for your kind words and support... =)

i'm keeping this one ambiguous on purpose...

my parents never go out to eat during the week, but when my mom called and asked me if i wanted to go i knew it had to be a sign.... if ever there was a time for me to believe in fate i think it's now... the sequence of the past day's events fell so well into place it could only be described as being meant to be... although as a whole most of what happened wasn't good, it has definitely demonstrated to me that fate does exist... i'd be lying if i said i'm not disappointed at what i saw, but i'm assuming the rest of my life will now fall into place.. within the next two week we'll see how things will turn out... placing my fate now in God's hands...

this past saturday went to UC, Irvine's apaac conference... although the turn out wasn't as big as previous years, due to the fact it fell onto lunar new year, it was still an awesome conference... whenever i go i always leave with the sense that i've accomplished something and that i've connected with my identity as an asian american. got to touch base concerning a lot of current politcal issues around the API community. watched hereandnow perform some new material which was a treat and i got to play redlight greenlight on stage.. for a while i wasn't feeling that APSA vibe... after the conference i think i have a renewed sense in my purpose for the organization..

today i went laptop shopping... unknown to my parents, yet, that's what they're buying me for graduation.... =) after much debate and research i think i've managed to narrow down my choices... either an IBM thinkpad or fujitsu c-lifebook... instead of the tiny, cute little ones from sony that i've been eyeing for almost 2 years now i decided to go for something a little more substanstial... plus it'll be nice to reclaim some of my desktop real estate... my beloved sony vaio is going to my family... the family computer is literally about to die... feel sorry for my little bro who has to go to his friend's house ot type his papers...

also on the agenda for today was changing the oil in my car... for some odd reason the simple act of changing the oil in my car myself makes me feel manly... like one of the manly arts; opening jars, throwing a football, peeing standing up, etc, etc etc...hahaha.. it's amazing how many ppl don't know how to do this either... i don't understand why someone would pay another person to change their oil, when you could do it yourself for literally half the cost and do a better job at it too! (i discovered that the last time i let the jiffy lube ppl change my oil they didn't tighten the drip pan screw tightly enough, but in constrast they literally welded the oil filter onto the engine...) i guess it's also a way of bringing me back down from my high horse... i know for a fact that my hands will probably never get to be as worn, scarred, and callused as my dad's... his hands are a product of days of hard manual labor... my hands in comparison are down right girly... no rough spots, no scars, and the only dirt that gets under my nails is from the beach... that one hour while i'm changing the oil in my car and my hands are black with old oil and grime i'm transformed from meek scientist to rough redge... hahaha, okie maybe not, but still changing your own oil builds character...

the longer i wait, the more i doubt myself... when will med school replies come in? still nothing from the schools i turned in my secondaries to. i've started to think about my backup game plan if things don't work out this time around. if i get into med school i'm moving away from san diego, if i don't get into med school i'm still going to move away from san diego... i'll try to find a job doing some clinical research and then reapply with my own money... why the hell i'm i thinking about not getting into med school? i'm fuckin smart enough to get in... i have the passion... i have the drive... *sigh*...

got a random call from my friend ben... we both applied to CTY-hawaii... still waiting on that too... =/...

aside from my constant worrying that i've been rejected by both CTY and med schools, life marches on... my life in general has fallen into a predictable pattern of work, school, and gym time... inbetween i find the time to kick it with friends... today i went out for boba with momo... had a good long conversation about anything and everything and i'm glad that we both took the time to get to know each other better... we each got a chance to rant and bitch about everything that was going wrong in our respective lives...

i've gotten closer to jasmine now that i'm not in the library all the time... it's tv that always seems to bring us together... we seem to talk about the most random things... it's really nice though to have someone in the apartment i can just talk to... for awhile i withdrew myself from roomie social interactions... if only baker was home more often it would be perfect... i'd have someone to listen to my ramblings and someone else to eat my cooking... speaking of apartment situations, my parents want me to move back in after i finish this quarter... i wouldn't have a problem with it if i knew i were going to be leaving soon after, but without anything for sure in terms of school i'm left with the fear i may be stuck living at home for a while... luckily because of my lease, i won't be moving out till the beginning of may...

i've said it almost a million times already, but i miss phil, stephanie, and IG... that apartment was the center of our lives for 2 years... like monica's apartment on friends or the bar in cheers... anywho, happy new year guys... sorry we can't spend it together having dim sum...